Curt Schilling struck out exactly three batters 47 times in his career

it’s so weird and inexplicable that this keeps happening to breitbart. who would have thought it’d be so hard to separate out the literal goatfuckers from the ironic ones

This restaurant is where I ate my first turduckentwisnipon- a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a Twinkie stuffed with a Snickers stuffed with a tampon. It was pretty good when liberally slathered with Tabasco-ketchup/ espresso-mayonnaise.

Fuck the US version. Clive Anderson craps bigger than Drew Carey

WELL SEE NORMALLY IF YOU GO ONE ON ONE WITH ANOTHER CANDIDATE YOU GOT A 50-50 CHANCE OF WINNING. BUT TRUMPS A GENETIC FREAK, AND HES NOT NORMAL. SO SHES GOT A 25% AT BEST AT BEAT TRUMP. THEN YOU ADD GARY JOHNSON TO THE MIX? HER CHANCES OF WINNING DRASTIC GO DOWN! SEE THE 3 WAY AT THE VOTING BOOTH, YOU GOT A 33 1/3S…

I worry about Larry King’s suspenders breaking right through his clavicles and splitting him into three sections.

That’s pretty much what happened the first time he came around. His fate would not be much different either. Especially since the real Jesus was born a man of Middle Eastern descent.

ICE would tackle his ass and beat him in front of little kids.

Jesus: “You should forsake wealth and help those less fortunate than yourself.” Republicans: “Screw that! I’m not paying my insurance or taxes just to help someone who’s sick!”

This is probably my favorite Ohio-Plate. I don’t know if the owner still has it, but it was on a MKV GTI that used to hang out with my old Michigan-VW group.

Cheatin’ Froome is probably my favorite Edith Wharton novel.

TB12 is what 500DoK would have been if it sucked and cost $200.

I bet Brady dies in his 60s while Belichik lives to 115 or longer.

Enh, exactly what you’d expect from someone married to a left winger.

+1

Chris Reeve broke his neck on a horse, but this fuckin’ guy’s probably glued to that saddle. Dammit.

To be fair, he usually just hangs around the Ponies

It’s technically not napping when you’re running a length of garden hose from the tail pipe into the cab of the vehicle. 

Stay with me on this one. What if a few of the aliens “got off” on the human porn and then this whole subgenre of fucked up human porn gained popularity on their home planet and the aliens that were into it were considered weird and they had to hide their “creepy” human porn fetish. Imagine some alien wife coming home…

What league is that team in?