I’m mildly impressed that he didn’t call them ‘orientals’.

We were at the in-laws house and they were watching one of those NBC whodunit shows and they criticized me for looking the case up on my phone and actually reading about it instead of sitting there for an hour watching old-folk ads and sitting through the ‘was it the boyfriend?-Or was it this guy?-Or was it this other…

There is nothing Brees won’t shill for.  I was reading an in-flight magazine a couple of years and he was in ads for four different products. 

Born on third and was balked in.

He can play the ‘black friend’ in Kevin Sorbo’s next flick.

True.  They are the fish equivalent of eating pomegranates.

I was on a first date at a crepe place that was closed down just after we started eating because of a Hepatitis A outbreak.  We were given instructions on which clinic to go to and get a blood test in a month, which was also our umpteenth date.  The place was eventually known as ‘The Hep-A Cafe’ for their subsequent…

Haven’t watched it, but this has to be another Australia thing, right?  Everything can kill you there.

‘I had to keep turning the page to see what happened!’

Sounds like something for The Ocho.

I have a facial scar from a game of Smear the Queer from the eighth grade. Occasionally I’m asked how I got it and am truthful about it and often have to explain the rules.

That should be their slogan - ‘At least we’re not Hometown Buffet’

All the fucker has to do is not do anything and he still fucks it up.

Best possible outcome -

The Columbine shooters used shitty 9mm chambered Hi Point carbines.  They do enough damage.

That’s my take.  Their incremental improvements are still giant leaps beyond other retailers and politicians.

This.  We went to a GC once and my wife said it was like Black Friday, but for crappy food.  We saw people fight over some shitty steak that was going to be replenished in five minutes anyway.  That and a grown couple dipping stuff in a chocolate fountain with their fingers.

Whenever we see a ‘World’s Best’, my kids do this-

All the good shit has diminishing returns.  I guess I got out while the getting was good.