This was in a textbook, you guys. Not a Chive article. A TEXTBOOK.

My sexual education teacher was horrible. He said to me, "...you shouldn't be out in the open with your sexuality. It makes others uncomfortable, and makes you look like a target and a victim." He said that transgender people and bisexuals "...do not exist, they're doing it for attention." He also said that "...it…

This isn't a story about me being broken up with, rather me breaking up with my boyfriend at the time. Our 2nd anniversary was coming up and I had just realized that I was in love with someone else, a woman to be exact. Well, he didn't know this yet and my 19 year old self thought the best time to tell him was when he…

Hasn't Jennifer Lawrence won an Oscar and been nominated more than once and won several golden globes or something? I'm pretty sure her career was doing pretty well on its on before this.

It's funny, because I want Wendy Williams to just shut up in general.

Clowns. My best story involves a lot of clowns.

I mean, I have other stories. Honorable mention goes to the time I had sex on the 5th floor of a hotel's glass-walled staircase in plain view of the street below because we couldn't afford to get a room in said hotel, and the time I swam out to the center of Walden Pond…

...and I can't get a response on a dating site

What is the diameter of this pepperoni stick? Is it like one of those slim jim style snack sticks or thick like summer sausage? How does he lubricate this?

This is what I woke up to in my visitor history this morning. I was exasperated when I saw that shirtless guy's favorite movie was "dum and dummer" (yes, spelled like that). Then I saw his competition.

Opium poppy latex, the active bit, is quite bitter.

Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays.