There's a very real chance that this might turn out to somehow be more racist than the original. We live in a wonderful and benighted age

It's like going to the moon. We tried it, it turned out it didn't need doing, we stopped.

That isn't worth very much.

I'm a genie and I'm here to say
I'll maliciously misinterpret your wishes in ironic fashion
in a major way

I'm not normally one to be all "HAW HAW YOU DID A TYPO," but Steve Wonder is such a different sounding name than Stevie Wonder. I love this.

If I were a total idiot, I'd bet against that exact joke being in the movie.

The humanoid one is really upsetting looking

I had a decent political science teacher in high school who taught us about the various varieties of global hegemony, and he made a pretty compelling case that a Cold War is actually our best bet, as far as getting shit done is concerned. We have a natural desire to have the longest dick, but in a mutually assured…

Thanks. I still don't totally understand 90% of what's going on, as usual, but science reporting is so shitty, it's good to have somebody explaining the actual scale of things. Every small thing gets blown up to these ridiculous proportions because science is inherently about small increments and reporters want very…

There's really nothing I hate quite like an airport, and the American ones in my limited experience seem extra lame. At least in Mexico, they have shot girls

Okay so how do I make money off of this? Not even joking, what does one buy stock in

The Amish are a strange and incredible people

Right? The man is hilarious. Let him be funny into a camera, he's great at it.

If it's a decent farmer's market, you should be good to burn at least an hour. Snarking about bad crafts and eating little samples of stuff is one of the better morning activities.

One time the singer from Origin jumped off the stage and elbowed me in the throat. I value that kind of interactivity in a performance

My buddy got a tooth stuck in the tread of his boot at a slayer show

I don't think even trump is going to pull the lever for trump in 2020. Obviously he's campaigning and all because that's an excellent way to get a bunch of free money, but he clearly doesn't enjoy the job and most people agree that we all liked it more when he was living his old life.

Also he wasn't followed up immediately by another movie star. Touch the fire, get burned, recoil, okay. Touch the fire, get burned, and try it again, you have an issue

Shit's been weirdly dark lately. People keep setting fires in my neighborhood. Machete-related crime seems to be on the rise if the police blotter is anything to go by. Intellectually I know these problems aren't related to everything else, but subjectively it's hard not to feel like there's wrongness in the air.

That's what scares me. Trump's got the bar set so low that "well he isn't a racist and he can do that eyebrow thing" strikes people as a selling point