"[Firth] has a briefly seen, occasionally mentioned fiancée named Olivia (Catherine McCormack), who is a fellow skeptic and an intellectual peer, meaning that she has no chance with him."

Attention micropenis guys: I dated a guy whose penis was perfectly normal, but my vagina is quite long, and I was missing the feeling of being stimulated all the way up by my cervix. So this guy was such a cool, confident, badass sex monster, he said "Let's go to the toy store and see what they have that can help…

Oh, this was so horribly awkward it still makes me cringe. I had been friends for this guy for quite some time. His 30th birthday was approaching and he was depressed because he was still a virgin. I decided to help get rid of that for him. ;)

I had just broken up with my boyfriend of five years, and was complaining to one of my friends about how I was terrible at the whole casual sex thing. She got really excited and told me that one of her old casual sex buddies just happened to live near me… on a sailboat. So she put us in touch, and basically told him…

Ramen Noodle Truck Stop man was (as I mentioned) another blind date set up by my mom. My mom who neglected to mention he was a truck driver (a noble profession, and I'm not saying I wouldn't date a truck driver), and he neglected to mention it when he called and invited me over to his place. The time he gave in the…

Here's my best (failed) sex story- I met this doctor in the gym in my apartment complex and we ended up going out one night. When we got back to his place we started making out and ended up in the bedroom. I told him it was "That time of the month" yet he continued to make out with me. A minute or two goes by and he…

I had a thing for a French exchange student for a number of months. We had gone out in groups a couple of times, but nothing had come of it. Finally, we get ragingly drunk in a big group on martinis and wine, and I somehow end up inviting him back to my place. We're standing at my kitchen counter, leaning against it,…

And flame face. Flame face took me to a nice restaurant to show off his nice expense account. He was a blind date set up by my mother, who is also responsible for Fat Elvis and Ramen Noodle Truck Stop Man. Anyway, he had a lot of product in his hair. A lot. And he somehow managed to catch his paper menu on fire via a…

So this didn't involve any actual sex, but I invited a guy I'd seen a couple times in for a nightcap. I poured us a couple of drinks and went to use the bathroom, expecting to come out and talk a bit, make out, see where things went. He apparently had a different idea because I came out of the bathroom to find him…

Although he's generally way hotter with facial hair, Jamie Dornan's looking like a hot young Colin Firth in this trailer. I've decided to imagine the film as Bridget Jones fanfic instead.

I had the same thought. In the second spreadsheet, she's going to bed in a teddy, going to bed naked, giving a blow job to try to get her man interested. The first one doesn't describe anything he's doing to try to get her in the mood. I mean, start with a neck nuzzle and try to kiss her maybe? I've had more than one…

Based on the headline, I'm disappointed that the website isn't called Hotel Catifornia.

Dodai, I hate this so much. I hate that we live in a world where we're the ones who are left wondering how we should react when someone sends us a picture of their genitals an hour after meeting them. In a better world, the answer would be totally clear: a sharp reprimand and then out the door you go. There should be…

Cue to some nutcases on my FB feed who are suspecting a conspiracy BECAUSE there were 108 prominent aids researchers on board. Like, aids equals gays equals Putin hates the gays equals he wants to kill the gays equals he must have shot this plane from the sky because evil.

I want more girls to this!

I feel like I just read a laundry list of why she was terrible for the way women feel about themselves.

This is unbelievably beautiful.

It's an ideal friendship, people consistently talk down to both kids and the elderly, it makes sense that they'd be like "fuck it, let's hang out together and promise to not ask one another incessantly about whether we have to go the bathroom."

Sorry, can't divorce the lovely uniforms from the horrific cruelty of the 'sport' of bullfighting.