Please welcome Deadspin’s new editor, Isaac Newton

Nope, never. They don’t hand the reigns of a 9 figure case over to young folks like me. And with that fatality you just performed on me, I’m going to bring this fulfilling discourse to an end. Best of luck.

I understand that Dawkins, and, to a lesser extent, Sam Harris, don't always say things everyone agrees with, but the growing backlash against them by fellow atheists feels like groupthink run amok, as though there's something we're not comfortable about with our own atheism that requires us to create a pariah or two…

Use of the word “idiot” when a spectator runs onto a playing field is the American Flag Lapel Pin of sportswriting.

I clerked for a federal judge, just didn’t present it to you on my sleeve because all this dick-measuring is pathetic. You just used “courtroom” as two words.

So sit down to wipe, obviously, but does anybody else, assuming your bathroom configuration allows, walk over and wet the piece of toilet paper in the sink for the penultimate wipe (always follow up with a final dry wipe) to get that perfectly clean feeling?

Oh how I love the sentence, "This is a dilemma that can be remedied with tortillas."

Whoa, a FEDERAL court? Well why didn’t you say that in the first place!

Evidence 101: under Rule 403, the prejudice has to substantially outweigh the probative value, sort of like how your inability to make that distinction, or properly use “its,” combined with your belief that “prejudicial value” is an actual phrase that exists, is significantly probative that, even if you’re somehow a…

I’m sorry that you have an aversion to lawyers respecting their client’s privilege (attorney-client privilege belongs to the client, not the attorney) and wanting to avoid being sued for malpractice. You can’t retroactively claim work product over something that was not, at the time, prepared by an attorney, by an…

Of course it means a shorter suspension. Anyone with any experience in law or policy can tell you that. So can anyone with any experience in applying common sense or reading words that have been arranged into sentences. Criminal sentencing guidelines, which this policy mirrors, use "mitigating factors" and…