This article definitely deserves the pHulitzer

Can we hire this grounds crew for the Pro Bowl?

Well, that about wraps up the case, then! Good work, detective!

You can always tell when swimmers beef. Just look for the bubbles.

My eyes rolled into the back of my head. I know people who post in Ashcraft threads are Japanophiles who think the country is superior in every way and surrounded by unwashed savages, but get a grip. Think about how much money and time you need to go to the Olympics. Think about who is going (the vast majority are…

How can you write an appreciation of Teixeria without including the best thing he’s ever done:

Based on the Yankee Mount Rushmore of Posada, Jeter, Pettitte and Mariano I figured this would be appointment television for you guys.

It’s good to get the black eye of the event out of the way early! The rest of Rio 2016 should be smooth sailing from here!

Bok bok bok bok bok bok bok Choi
- Chris Berman

I guess when you really think about it, we all threw that pitch. Sigh.

The statistic about 273 disappearances on cruises is meaningless without more context. How many people went on cruises in those 20 years? What’s the ratio of disappearances on other kinds of vacations compared to the total number of people taking those kinds of vacations? For all we know (and really, I have no idea, I…

Most of the Little Debbie catalog holds up well. My favorite were (and still are) the Nutty Bars, but Zebra cakes, Jelly Rolls, and even the Oatmeal Creme pies are still pretty tasty.

Macaroni and Cheese still tastes as good as it did when I was five. Right out of the box too. None of that fancy shit.

If Deadspin’s gonna report on Spanish-language stories, it’d be cool if you guys had someone on staff who can speak the language instead of using Google Translate and secondhand accounts. It’s come up before in soccer articles, but this is an especially weird example. It’s not like this is a bad article or anything,…

Rio is in the same hemisphere so the water drains the same as in Australia.

You had me up til the last sentence. That just made you seem like an insufferable tool.

Having Tweeted, Schefter offered his condolences to the Green family by coming out of the bush outside the hospital room window and saying he was sorry for their loss.

Laughing at this makes me kinda feel terrible but this is some HOF grammar trolling.

How did your dad’s reaction kill Hank Gathers?

Love it! Let's be offended by EVERYTHING!