Welcome to late stage capitalism.

A good band photo should be a mix of dudes looking cool/tough along with one being indifferent/bored. I give you:

That tactic has proven to be ineffective.

Man Bites Dog doesn’t seem so farfetched... I mean.. Florida exists, right?

Are you suggesting that jewish, latino, and asian people are not racist? The “people of color” label might be good as a catch all for politics, but I assure you they don’t unify in real life.

the coach was fired—after he refused to resign—just one day before he was about to get tenure.

A truly amazing two sentences. “These accusations are totally false and we will also investigate really super hard to see if they are false.”

And, likely, the real reason....

I’m not sure if I should be proud or ashamed that this took me a second to get.

Literally “dress code violations” is listed as one of the reasons. <eye roll>

Was the administration ever critical of the lack of black athletes on the golf team?

“just one day before he was about to get tenure.”

I thought Hawkeye was under house arrest?!

I wonder how many coaches who work there are non-white?

“...baseless accusations against the school and administration. Any concern about racism or racial insensitivity is taken seriously and investigated fully.”

Without even stopping to take a breath.

Better to be the “after” pic for clitoral cysts than the “before”.

People ask why I watch spring training baseball. “It doesn’t even count,” they’ll say. Like it means nothing.

And then they’d be subsequently attacked by militias mistakenly assuming they were Obama’s personal shocktrooper checkpoints. It’d be a real hoot.

If Obama had ever said anything remotely like “Take the guns first, go through due process second,” there would be flaming barricades going up on every street corner in Texas and Georgia.

6th. The 5th is the one that says if you bring Labatt’s to a cookout you can’t take a Steam Whistle.