Are you really sure about that? Let me introduce you to... nearly half the humans on Earth..

I believe you mean artisinally masticated

For a while back in the day I drank a lot of scotch... but I stopped oh, god, 10 years back. Not drinking! Winners don’t quit. Just not scotch so much anymore. For the life of me I can’t remember the type it was, but I’d found one that tasted like a field of flowers in the springtime. Maybe glenlivet 18yr? Goddamnit…

They exist, they’re everywhere. We call ‘em Lawful Evil.

I assume she stabbed both of them with a sword?

Pinot grigio I’m guessing?

What the fuck kind of lowered-expectations planet are you living on? Not knowing what a drink served neat means? Listen, liquor should be served one of two ways. On the rocks, or neat.

I feel bad because I had a good chuckle at “15 and DTF”.. should I feel bad about that? I laughed pretty hard. That.. probably wasn’t supposed to be funny, was it.

Started typing a thing up about how I’ve got mine set down to 21, realized it’s just been there since I was in my 20s and goddamn I’ve been single too long but regardless it was just because I’m pretty desperate and if nothing else a few drinks and conversation’s fun — but, then I realized my nephew just turned 6, I’m…

Governor. Singular. There’s just one of him... although I understand how you may have been mistaken upon first glance.

haha.. Dev did that too! When it was raining outside, he.. did not like getting wet. Some times he’d not go outside unless you showed him a towel you’d use to dry him off when he came in.. he had big fun then, I’d hold the towel between my legs and he’d run through and I’d give him a good rub down, he’d turn around…

I wonder how I could go about getting a job wandering the West with a shotgun and shooting down errant drones like that one.

That’s only like 70% American. You need some processed cheese product up on that bitch. There’s also a disturbing lack of grease, that paper it’s resting on should be TRANSPARENT and DRIPPING!

They are really the sweetest goofiest dogs ever. I had a half bichon half cocker. I couldn’t tell you exactly why, but his whole life after he’d get a bath what he wanted was to be wrapped up in towels and held on your lap for a good 15 minutes to an hour. If you forgot.. he’d just climb on your lap anyway and sit…

Fucking worse, let’s say you work at a slaughterhouse, killing pigs. You convert to Islam, go to your boss. Hey, boss, I’m a Muslim now, howsabout I shift over to killing chickens? Can get someone else to slide over to the pig side of things, yeah? You make a reasonable fucking accomodation so that your fucking…

I mean when I was 15 I’m pretty sure I fapped to pictures explaining how to do a breast self-examination... but when i was 15 I’m pretty sure I fapped to FUCKING EVERYTHING.

hes a grown-ass man who chooses to go by “bobby”. never trust a grown-ass man named “bobby”.

Yeaaaahhh all I can understand is fuck, fuck, fuck and cunt.

Goddamnit I wish Republicans would just get over all this gay marriage crap. Look, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. If the marriage is illegitimate, the body has a way to shut that whole thing down.