Charlton Heston was pretty damn far from racist. Don’t believe anything Michael Moore ever tells you, the man is a charlatan in a ratty hat.

*I* smoke a lot. And I’m 5 years older than them. And if you ignore my fucking sadly thinning hair, I don’t look near as rough as those gals. And I’m a poor dude who’s not really taken terribly good care of himself for the past.. fuck’s sake, 6 years now.

In your giant verjarny?

What a triflin’-ass bitch, though. Dude’s gonna brawl over 1/1000th of his year’s pay? That’s like me throwing down over 20 bucks. 20 bucks is 20 bucks but fuck, man, you and I both damn well know I’m just going to waste it anyway, I’ve lost more than that spilling beer on myself and drenching packs of cigarettes in a…

Maybe if we told them 1 in 10 waffles were venomous?

So if I was her and it was a Woody Allen film I could see myself turning it down in a heartbeat, but when you bring up James Brown, just... well... yeah. I would. Not even a question, really. Just.. absolutely, yes, bring on that crazy-ass godfather of soul, the hardest working man in showbusiness, I’ll just be…

Not-good news, everyone!

Goddamn do I miss games with a “Boss hide key”. So fucking 80s. So fucking DOS.

Fucking Celine, Beiber, Cruz.. look, WE GET IT, CANADA. We’re still at war and we just didn’t realize it BUT WE DO NOW AND WE GIVE UP. You can have, like, I dunno. Fucking Maine? I don’t even know. Shit, wait, or are the terms that we take Quebec? ... look, that’s too far, we still have the nuclear option, we can…

Obviously white flavor, duh.

I’m in the opposite boat, actually. Me and many folk I know from way back in the day were pretty Republican before they totally went off the rails (yeah, 2000s-era Republicans looked as if they were making a turn towards sanity there for a minute, honestly.. they uhm. They went the other way with it though).

That is perfect. That’s simply exactly the proper and correct responce, the answer we have all been looking for. We all know people who are rooting for the Hairpiece... bless their hearts.

Gummo was completely fucking contrived. So.. here’s the thing. You know how obnoxious people in NYC that NYC is *THE* best fucking thing ever? Right. You know how everyone living in the city thinks those hicks from the sticks are just fucking laughable throwbacks? Right. You know how everyone outside of the South…

Never forgive.

Half? I’m betting it’s closer to a third.

and chips too! don’t forget the potato chips! we.. we are a fat state.

Lucky for you they may just be on the same ticket!

hold up hold up hold up what. that jesus-strivin dude made a sex tape with kid rock? WHY HAS THIS NOT BEEN IN THE NEWS WHAT ROCK HAVE I BEEN LIVING UNDER?

w... wait.... what? I WILL PICK UP MICHAEL STIPE LIKE A BASEBALL BAT AND BEAT YOU WITH HIM!