Sir, this is a Wendy’s drive-thru.

A vegan, an atheist, a Crossfitter, and someone who lives in Austin walk into a bar...

We are long lost siblings. *pats shoulder awkwardly, having never learned affection.*

kermit did 9/11

How have you freaked out your fellow fantasy managers?

This is a terrible fucking analysis.

Don’t you love getting blown?” I say to him immediately. We have funny, witty banter.

yea, but, Kurt Russell was in Big Trouble in Little China.

“he’s also quite possibly the greatest boxer who has ever lived.”

Already used to glorious effect:

How do you know it’s shitty? You’re deaf.

Is there any way I can feel guilty about this, as a white person?

Goddammit.

SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE.

You are literally a man who can't take no for an answer.