He didn’t mean “literal mayor appointed key to the city” he meant “inroads with a lot of black communities from performing in those cities and meeting/getting to know community leaders.”

But that seems to always be Issa’s problem - foresight. If she can’t think 3-5 minutes into the future of what the outcome of a blowjob is and what to do when someone explicitly says “I’M COMING!”, how the fuck is she going to get the rest of her affairs in order?

So you’re saying shovels are allowed as clubs. Thank you!

That... was my All-City audition piece in high school.

Was hoping this was going to be a Fancy Kristen post...

I want to throw a match at them, just out of spite.

Being a cop is an extremely dangerous occupation. I commend that officer, well done! She should’ve just complied - it was for the safety of the officer and hospital staff to arrest her. YOU DON’T RESIST IF YOU’RE FOLLOWING THE LAW! Our Boys in Blue only want to put in their hours and make it home safe to their…

Starred for calling the carotid arteries/jugular veins and trachea the “blood hoses” and “air intake/exhaust tube” respectively.

Spicy take, but plausible!

Have you... seen Jason Jordan? I think he could actually be Kurt’s REAL son.

For some reason, reading “Threepio” like that gave me a taste memory of the C3PO cereal from the 80s.

OK, “fuel” you pedantic so-and-so.

Nobody else is going to say it? Fine I’ll say it.

Shit like this is the literal reason I stopped going to church and walked away from organized religion - the constant naked grift.

Shit like this is the literal reason I stopped going to church and walked away from organized religion - the constant naked grift.

My Fitbit Surge hasn’t had an update since September 2015, and not for a lack of need. $240 for their flagship product and... nothing. Not to mention the band cracking and two of my wife’s Fitbit Charge’s (1st and 2nd gen) falling apart.

1st Gear:

THANKYOU.gif

But seriously, Frasier is boring.

I got genuinely anxious the first time I watched that sketch, because it’s exactly - EXACTLY - how my father dresses/talks/acts.