Emails of the week have been kinda weak lately.  Today’s starts with a hangover at a diner and doesnt end with someone browning out in their pants, so disappointing.  More shitting pants, please.

Re: baby stuff — how about the monopoly on those gliding rocker chairs? One company in France makes ALL of them and they cost about $500 a piece.  The DoJ should get involved.

Stander here. One thing that was not mentioned in either Drew’s original piece or your follow-up was the concept of what’s known as “going perfect.” A friend of mine developed this name for the rare occasion when you shit and it comes out so cleanly (perfectly), there is no need to wipe. He says you only know it when…

Staring out the window while cleaning the carcass is a very important detail. I'm not divorced but I do this once a week.

This piece reads like a Kirk Van Houten survival guide. Well done.

Just want to say that the Jim Tomsula lifehacks are fucking genius. Absolute genius, Drew.

Mister Baseball?

During a recent lightning delay at a golf course, we played a par 4 a few times without clubs and just threw the ball. First thing is unless you’re actively playing baseball or working out those muscles, you will destroy your shoulder. We all have relatively decent arms and with decent tosses made 6s on 360 yd par 4…

I ate it on purpose because a. it was out on the counter and b. still felt like there was a decent chance I could be in the right house. Again, shouldve taken the mask off.

I am white, which wouldnt have helped much. That town’s cops are ruthless to everyone. I was trying to avoid getting tasered and despite being grossly out of shape, liked my odds of getting away.

I helped myself to the pizza because I wasnt sure if I was in the right house or not. I wasnt going to know many people anyway. Took longer to figure out than expected and apparently someone wanted me out. I was also pretty hammered. - Matt