Oh and when I hit the meat market at 35.... 20 somethings are completely insane and not for keeping. I met a couple that were actually normal, but many were plain old Bat Guano crazy.

And this is a broke down-wig.

I got the "you're so smart!" shtick from my parents when I was little. Very heavily. Early—very early—childhood intelligence tests, high achievement in school. Honestly, I probably was pretty smart. But then I started to bump into the spots where I actually had to try. It was incredibly frustrating and I ended up…

After "oh yeah," the undercover officer gave the signal for the arrest team to move in and arrest Anthony.

I am actually, because I'm usually spanking pretty girl's asses, fucking my boyfriend or husband, or participating in a huge cuddle pile. I just don't talk about that shit at work.

17 and still paralyzed - therefore, still a minor and reliant upon his parents - and says it was a lie. You know what, kid? You're good in my books because that takes a lot of guts.

"I'm sorry for men not taking a greater stand in this area," Idleman adds.

Yes. Also all my movements are controlled by Jim Henson's ghost.

Dislocated my jaw by yawning.

I yawned my face off.

It isn't often I would support dressing up like a giant chicken and stalking a guy you saw on the internet, but this is definitely one of those times.

They'll both have to plunk aimlessly at pianos and see which one he drifts towards.

Obviously I don't get it. Please tell me why anyone would tweet that instead of linking to an essay?

If she's their second daughter, shouldn't her name be Beta?

meh

I lost 73 followers, but only had 72. I now owe them a follower.

Fortunately for the unnamed Derplord, owners Ellen Kassoff Gray and Tod Gray decided not to charge her and just eat the cost themselves, which frankly is way nicer than I would've been.

I hate to be that guy, but you really shoulda seen them back 'round 87-88!

Freakin' awesome. I can barely listen to them now, because it's too heartbreaking to think of Mia Zapata and missing her sing.

The Gits fucking RULE. Not even in the past tense, they still fucking rule everything.

Internet: You should also fuck his sister to get back at him.

...your sister. (Oh dear God what is wrong with me?)