If God lent me this penis, it's gonna be pretty wrecked when he gets it back.

You know the situation is seriously fucked up when it's getting me to like Adam Schefter

In trying to think of a word to describe the way in which Goodell has handled this case, "clusterfuck", was the best I could come up with, and I think that's being generous.

This is likely to cause a whole new round of debate. But if there's anyone who's ready for a knockdown-drag out fight, it's Ray Rice.

The handrail in the elevator has also expressed regret for its involvement.

Ravens PR guy: "I liked Ray Rice a lot then. I like Ray Rice a lot today"

Well, so much for "But we didn't see what really happened in that elevator."....

But being fat is such a boner killer. What's a girl to do?

It's definitely slutty.

A spokesman from the Clay County school district told ABC News affiliate WJXX in Jacksonville, Florida, that students who violate the dress code are given three options: to stay in their clothes and go to in-school-suspension, to wear the sweats and t-shirt as punishment and continue going to class as usual, or to…

Sexist dress codes and their subsequent enforcement can also be a Title IX violation.

Honestly, after hearing this story, I don't want to hear anyone argue that school is not like prison now and days.

Poor kid. First her parents make her move to Florida, now this.

HAHAHAHA that made me laugh out loud. You have to be right.

I like to imagine that multiple black women have called him a punk and his oblivious takeaway was that they thought he was Ashton Kutcher.

Wow, that is mind blowing.

Well, that changes everything!

This guy is going to kill someone someday. Heaven help anyone in front of him in line who gets the last cookie or movie ticket.

A) What the fuck. You can practically see him stamping his feet via text message.