Dude, you dont have balls. Who are you kidding?

If your balls are so large that you cannot sit with your legs relatively close together maybe you should seek medical attention. Or call Guinness Book. Out of curiosity how on earth do you walk with those things!?

Dude, if your external genitalia require THAT much breathing room, you have much bigger (hee) problems and should go see a doctor, stat. However, A for effort on the trolling!

Thank God. For a second, I thought this was another snake video.

That horse is just really enthusiastic about the prospect of a lower capital gains tax.

The kids were 5, 7, and 8. I'm thinking everyone involved was lucky that the kids decided to scream and honk the horn, and that none of them were adventurous enough to want to take the car for a drive.

Hahaha, trolololol. That's an epic one. Did you have someone ghostwrite it for you? Listen stiff cock, if you don't understand the reasoning behind the spelling and the history behind it, maybe you should step away from the keyboard and pour yourself a tall glass of STFU.

Fuck Stanfurd

Zero tolerance is bullshit. If you're a student and get jumped by another student, you are both suspended or expelled for fighting. It results in either ridiculous numbers of suspensions, or spotty and unequal enforcement.

I love it because it sounds both clumsy and painful! It makes me think of slipped discs.

Its actually Ray Albers, apparently:

The cop was later asked to write an essay on exemplary policing for the Washington Post.

p.s. Greg, have you seen this? It wouldn't embed correctly so just linking it.

I'm a huge Seinfeld fan, but in this instance it almost sounds like he was too high and mighty to take the lady's insurance information - but still wanted to bitch about the incident to the NY Post.

My British friend and Canadian friend were watching the Browns-Redskins game with me last week (sounds like the set-up for a joke).

Brit: Who's playing?
Me: Cleveland Browns and Washington Redskins. The main narrative here is that John-
Brit: Wait, the who?!
Me: Washington Redskins.
Brit: Like... Native American.…

Good for him. It is great when you can follow your principles without making it all about you.

"Human beings take social stances," he said. "And if you're respectful of all human beings, you have to decide what you're going to do and why you're going to do it."

I want a reality show called "Bill Bidwill Eats Every Single Dick" following Bill Bidwill's travels around the world in a dick-eating quest.

I would pay to watch golf with a clock and defenders.

Golf is not a sport. It's a skill. Add a time element or defense and it might be a sport.