Fog lights don’t bother me. They’re not any brighter than a low-beam.

“Licence and registration, please”

I think my ex had one of those BMW shifters in her nightstand for some reason...

“We call that the — uh.. [someone off stage speaks] the U.F.O. line! The UFO [pronounced you-foe] line!”

You should totally ask for your money back.

We get caught committing insurance fraud with Lambos, we’re not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We’re going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison.

no it won’t.

rancid sack of cack

Why did he fail her? That’s still the best parking job I’ve seen from an Audi in the past two weeks.

Filing? Did they have the right paperwork?

Please, KEEP TRYING.

I find this post difficult to masturbate to.

Dear Stance, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend’s pregnant now, how far along is she?

And my sword.