14. Gorgon

Suddenly picturing a fraternity of vampire bros all walking around with penises drawn on their forehead because they can see their reflection.

Then change the photo. I’d have sex with Kate Beckinsale under almost any circumstance I can think of, and many that I have not.

More raisist than sexist but whatever.

What percentage of people masturbate for the last time realizing they are doing so?

Can you guys do another Jez-spin switcheroo? That was the best ever.

I, for one, welcome our new dongcopter overlords.

Good on his parents for making sure the kid stays hydrated.

The crowd made him so nervous he thought about bailing, but in true Sixers draft fashion he decided to power forward.

Umm, the Lakers are 5-1 in their last 6 games. The only teams with better records in their most recent 6 games are the Warriors and Cavs. You really expect the third best team in the NBA right now to tank after adding the #2 pick in the draft? Boy you are dumb.

It’s probably LaVar Ball you idiot

“It’s been years since medical school, so remind me. Disembowling in your species, fatal or non-fatal?”

“The human body is like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted.”

Pictured: Derek Jeter fantasy meal.

I think we all have the same question: is this reasonably calculated to lead to Ashley Feinberg getting the pee pee tape?

Pence only eats Mother’s pie.

I always use Joanna Rothkopf’s own KEDSUM 200PCS ADHESIVE CABLE CLIPS, WIRE CLIPS, CAR CABLE ORGANIZER, CABLE WIRE MANAGEMENT, DROP CABLE CLAMP WIRE CORD TIE HOLDER FOR CAR, OFFICE AND HOME to affix my feminist patches to my clothing. That makes me extra feminist.

There was a point during the match where John was trying to get a good angle on an awkwardly placed cue by leaning over the table, but he ended up having to go get his extension because his gut was in the way. On the walk back to the table all he could say was, “Too much haggis.”

Patrick Roy isn’t going to help. That dude hates glass.