My kids played at a “Football” high school. The number of kids under the age of 18 that had tats, and even sleeves, was astonishing. The youngest I knew was 16. I would put it at 25-30%

Bonilla Day, a recognized federal holiday, is July 1st, every year until 2035. Get your shit together.

Die-kea

You mean Pee-Wee’s Slayhouse

WHY ARE “RECENT VIDEOS FROM DEADSPIN” AUTO-PLAYING. MAKE IT STOP. I AM SO FUCKING DONE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST QUIT RUINING DEADSPIN.

You know what they say, when in Rome.

To be fair, it's easy to play defense when Russell Wilson inexplicably turned into Joe Flacco for a day.

OH DEAR GOD I AM HORRIFIED AND ALSO FASCINATED 

Did you mean the Grand Junction Humpback Chubs?

I didn’t know Jim Spanfeller ran baseball too.

Ha! I thought my kid was swallowing whole grapes one time, kept finding ‘em in her diaper. Couldn’t figure out how she was doing that without choking. Turns out they were raisins.

Nothing toddlers do is low-volume. Nothing.

I’ve tried getting toddler milk before. It’s not as easy as they make it sound - it’s hard to keep the little bastards on the milking machines, and the crying at night means I had to invest in a soundproof basement.

Every time I see an NFL linesman walking down the sidelines with his arm in the air after a punt, I sing the yodeling theme from the Cliff Hangers game on The Price is Right.

Every few months, I’d get a notification from Splinter with a bunch of stars and think: “Huh, that doesn’t seem right, what the hell did I say this time?”, just to discover it was my comment from Victor’s dentist post. Then I’d get a cheap laugh. I guess they’ll be fewer and farther between now.

I’m pulling for the Astros in the ALCS because I want to see the Justin Verlander/Max Scherzer World Series pitching matchup that will cause the heads of Detroit Tigers fans everywhere to collectively explode. 

Washingtonians might actually attend the game if the stadium weren’t so Far From Home.

“Snyder and superheroes don’t mix well.”

I sure hope not.  Bernie doesn’t need any surprises.