I used to play with dolls/legos but that was before I discovered fire. Lovely, calming, pretty fire. After nearly burning down my house for the fifth time, my parents finally went "Fine, if you want to play with fire, we'll let you play with fire." Nearly every weekend they would bring me to a secluded field of…

They have little Cheesemans, missed opportunity, really. I can however tell you that Mr Cheeseman is terribly afraid of mice.

I knew a guy whose last name's Cheeseman. He's married to a Winehouse though. True story.

It might be you gaining muscles which weighs more. I usually keep track of my body fat percentage as weight on its own isn't a reliable health indicator.

Weatherbug!! Super cute icon.

>:(

Oprah's secret WHITE kitty cat.

I used one of those gay lady hook up apps and even I, the forever uncouth person, have the decency to not use the status of my genitalia as a greeting. It's pretty rude to just assume that the other person on the other end would fancy you and would like their fart tunnel to be explored. And she's not even on Tinder,…

I do cardio for food, so I could eat more of food. Glorious, glorious food. God, I love food. Chips and crisps and baked salmon and broccoli and cakes and pies and steaming hot noodles and pizzas with spinach and that weird egg thingy on top and waffles and sushi and burgers huge hunky burgers yes yes why am I even…

I've met quite a few of those in middle school and high school. I understand the hatred and the hurt that they've caused. I was told one of them had posted an unflattering pic of me from ages ago on FB, even though we haven't talked in years. When I heard about it, I found it amusing. I'm living the life I want, I've…

ಠ_ಠ

Oh my god yet another weird kind of porn I'm accidentally learning about. Whyyyyy.

My 54 year old mum has scaled quite a lot of mountains, she's gonna do Everest Base Camp this year, Kilimanjaro, and I think Carstensz Pyramid next year. I have watched her slave away at her soul crushing job, get diagnosed with a thyroid condition, fell into depression, and she finally applied for early retirement.…

Ew James Franco ew James Franco with apple slice ew

It's better than having to fix your ancient uncle's virus laden laptop because 'youngsters download asian porn on it'. I really wanted to pat him on his back and refer him to virus free porn sites but all I could do was spray a ton of cleaning products/wipe it clean (it was really, really sticky), fix it, and try to…

My art history tutor's gangbang fantasy erotica on her public Amazon wish list. I'M SORRY! I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIND YOU A GIFT!

It's impossible to stay spoiler free nowadays. Doesn't mean I won't make a voodoo doll filled with pins, of a friend of mine who spoiled House of Cards for me (twice! two deaths! over a single text message! worse than post it breakups!).

You weren't supposed to know. >:(

Don't worry, dad. I like girls.

LOL I can totally imagine some parent packing those Easter eggs on their third glass of pinot and running out of candy, then going 'What else is as good as candy? Oh no I can't pour my wine in there. What else makes me happy? Oh a Xanax, yes, yes, this shall make those kids happy!'