You should start a business where you write apologies for people. I started out reading your comment with my eyes ready in starting position for an eye roll, but you won me over. Seriously, that would have been a PERFECT apology. Yes, comedians use twitter as a sketchpad, but it is still public and you still have to…

yyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuppppppppppppp

You know, I take serious issue with the fact we are calling this idiotic. The jokes he wrote weren’t funny, and they were definitely antisemitic and weirdly misogynistic for literally no reason. It didn’t even improve the stupid, shitty jokes. Had he been, say, a Republican staffer who was making inappropriate…

I also love it when people speak Michael K!

Yesterday, at lunch, I found out that the University of Michigan has a football player named Jake Butt. And we googled him. And he’s a tight end. This discovery was probably one of the top ten moments of my life.

DLISTED!

As a Cubs fan I am accustomed to waiting. Usually until next year.

yougotsentenced.com

“When I can’t afford it on my pay, I don’t want people on the taxpayer’s dime to afford those kinds of foods either.”

List of approved items;

Ha! I came here to say exactly that. This is why we all nod and smile and claim to have boyfriends instead of speaking up and telling the creeps to just leave us the hell alone. Holy christ.

So women can have a tighter vagina with a little device but I can’t get a bigger dick? I’m sorry, I thought this was the future.

I see a massive PR opportunity for Luv's diapers to donate some diapers to this woman. If I had a twitter account I would tweet this at them.

A fetus always trumps a woman. Especially if that woman is brown.

Good thing she'll be off the streets. Indiana can't have thugs like this running about, miscarrying willy-nilly.

30 goddamned years? Someone could've murdered HER and gotten less jail time than that!

to prove that the child was born alive and thus within medical rescue, the prosecutors used an arcane, discredited 17th-century test in which the fetus's lungs are removed and put in liquid to see if they can float, and they floated.

/sadly resets the "DAYS WITHOUT AN EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT MY HOME STATE" counter to zero