Good one, Captain Scott. 

My Russian wife would be glad to explain it to him if he survives the orientation.

Judging by the comments so far, I must be the only person who enjoys Tim coffee. It's just so burnt. I even buy it in K-cups and that taste is almost exactly like in-store. I guess that's why I get them cheap. 

And while we’re here, “Great Jones” as in Great Jones Street? Are Lower Manhattan hipsters now into stews and braises? I'll stick with the French. 

Crunchy fruit certainly can’t beat Crunchy Frog, a product of the UK-based Whizzo Chocolate Company. 

IKEA is a good thought. Mine were bought as promo items in department store basements (e.g., Macy’s), but there aren’t too many of those left.

Damn right. I have the same number, all 30 or more years old, all purchased as seconds. And they are all more useful than me. The craftsmanship that went into their construction has outlived any cosmetic blemishes you’d notice. 

Your last sentence describes me. I have accumulated every known coffee apparatus through the years, but when I just want a travel mug to do chores with, pop two pods. Makes 16 oz with zero cleanup. And pods can be good and cheap if you don’t buy them at the supermarket. I am currently working through a case of Tim…

I think you’ve hit on the only product line, maybe the very item, in their portfolio that doesn’t have no-brainer substitutes. Canned soup, jarred sauces/salsa, and bagged salty snacks define “fungible.” Getting in the head end of the inflation train, I’d say.

As a former mail carrier, I can assure you that your second point is confirmed by impeccable research. Every USPS delivery vehicle has a sticker on the dash warning you not to back up if at all possible. The driver training emphasizes that (1) the vast majority of accidents occur while backing up; (2) the accidents…

Both are great, but are not easily available where I live (NW Connecticut). I stock up at the Food Bazaar, a multiethnic grocery chain, when I go downstate.

One gigantic caveat. Do not get near a mama bear with cubs. You will die. 

It’s worth mentioning that the web page for any given store will not just have the custard flavor of the day but also for each day of the current and upcoming month. My father lives about 20 miles away from the nearest Culver’s so trips are planned based on the FOTD.

That is what I would call a Certified Angus Beef.

I can think of only three turkey preparations I enjoy that don’t give off a T’giving vibe. Turkey gumbo, turkey chili and a Rachel. All three render turkey as a supporting flavor, more or less confirming why turkey doesn’t work in fast food.

Base Toyota pickup, 1984-1998: Shitwagon. Because it carried all my shit in my grad school/early career days. Reliable when I couldn’t afford breakdowns.

I estimated I heard “Little Brown Jug” about 1,000 times a day on my cream cruiser. I didn’t play it at high volume for my own sanity. The art is when to jingle the bells to provoke a feeding frenzy. 

A cream cruiser that’s parked in the lot isn’t making money, but it’s costing money under the lease. When I ran one, my hours were pretty much the ones you specify. As long as you make a few sales at either end, you’ve covered gas and earned a little. No one gets rich selling Bomb Pops so every little bit counts.…

My father could call every combo until his eyesight failed. Graduate of Denby High School, Detroit, 1955. Watching auto auctions with him was amazing.

I guarantee you most of us don’t. We are under daily public scrutiny. Drive too fast? It will get reported. Park the truck to grab a few things at the grocery? It will get reported. Not complaining about that; we’re visible for good reasons. If anything, the windshield will make the carrier easier to see! I will need…