The older I get, the more I feel I could actually empath myself to death, if I’m not careful. I struggle so hard with what other people might think and be motivated by that I sometimes butt right up against what they’re actually thinking which is quite different from what I’ve assumed. I offend a lot of people that…

Controversial opinion: weed isn’t nearly as interesting as people think it is.

I’m glad that little girls have such kick ass role models. NOT YOU HOPE SIT DOWN!

Except there’s a bullet in every chamber.

KY Jelly is a brand of personal lubricant.

Huh, you don’t usually see KY preventing gay couples from coming together.

The response I have formulated after 9+ years of being asked when we are going to “give” our daughter a sibling: “After three miscarriages it became apparent that my uterus is for decorative purposes only. But thanks for reminding me about the most painful and heart-wrenching experience I’ve ever had while also…

I recently got an implant. Does anyone need my old case?

Khloe and Kourtney take Menhattan? (I apologize)

I use ‘just’ and ‘sorry’ in emails in a duplicitous way, almost always. I’m demanding things but I’m being nice about it so I wouldn’t be ignored out of spite. “I’m just wondering if you’ve had a chance to look at this” means “send me an update, now”. Seems to work. Maybe I could just be straight with everyone but I…

THIS. When I used to work with clients, you learn which ones you need to really throw around a lot of qualifiers with because they thing they’re god, and the ones that you can be straight forward with. If you were to ask all of my clients how they perceived me based on my language use, it would be a very wide range.

For anyone here who says vaccines are dangerous - the method used to produce vaccines has been studied for over 200, close to 300 years. Cars have been around for less. Microwave ovens have been around for less. VACCINES HAVE BEEN AROUND LONGER THAN HANDWASHING AS A MEDICAL PRACTICE.

Bill Maher irritates the fuck out of me. Him being an anti-vaxxer just makes it worse.

I just imagine the shame of being caught with Chobani now. Your bible peeps drop by unexpectantly...hide the Chobani, I’m a hypocrite!

folks are cleverly infecting anti-vaccination activists with computer viruses embedded in photos and links.

I finally saw my first selfie stick the other day. A woman was walking down the sidewalk holding the stick out in front of her. Kinda looked like she was taking her phone out for a walk.

Ha! One just opened near us and I went by to check it out. Right by the door, they had a selection of “drinking jars” on sale for $5 a piece. They were mason jars without their tops. As in, the same kind I could buy for $9 a dozen at the regular grocery store. Absolutely nothing different, except that they didn’t have…

I think that was one of the early features of IVF. Something with how they spin them?

My wife’s family is always going on about how we need to move to Austin because it’s a bustling city, great music and food scene, family friendly and all that (they’re from around there), and articles like this serve prove my counter-point, “But then we’d have to live in fucking Texas,” to be irrefutable.