Here’s the true answer: Every single Toad that puts on the specific princess crown can and will turn into Peach. Why do you think there’s a Toad at the end of every castle in the NES Mario? The crown is passed around as a means to manipulate Mario into “liberating” castles all over the mushroom kingdom. When the Toad…

‘Remember: “No.” is a complete sentence.’ is probably the single best statement to come out of your columns here, and I tend to feel your columns are very, very rich in solid advice/perspective.

Yet another “why is this even an article on Kotaku?” moment.

I don’t post notes like this in Soulsborne games, nor do I find them funny... however, getting tilted enough to make a 2 page dissertation on the matter is fucking ludicrous. Go outside. Lighten up. Do literally anything else with your life.

I have a character in my Animal Crossing 3DS town I hate... can’t even remember her name, I don’t care to. I just know I started sending her the most vile letters I could think of trying to get her to leave. When she asked me to come up with a nickname the things I made her say... atrocious. I’d push her into…

I mean, really, most Venusaur trainers don’t pay attention to Venusaur as a whole anyway, so of course they only noticed now.

Fahey do a vegan Snacktaku!!

I would still read the shit out of Snacktaku focused on celery and carrot sticks.

But we all promise to be really supportive of Elder Fahey if he’s unable to snacktaku because of his high blood pressure, right? Right everybody?... <sniffle> 

I’ve legitimately never been more excited to see an article on this site.

Welcome back, Fahey. I’m absolutely certain my usual bloviations wouldn’t do what I want to say justice, so I’ll just say this:

You’ve been missed, sincerely, the entire time you’ve been away, and this community did not feel whole without you. You’re a goddamned boss for clawing your way back from what you suffered,…

Jesus Christ Fahey we’ve got all these new Lays flavors and NOBODY’S TELLIN’ ME ABOUT ‘EM.

Hooray! Best of luck with your continued recovery, Fahey!

Great write-up, Heather! I agree wholeheartedly regarding the revived multiplayer. The game feels alive in a way that the original didn’t when I first played through it because there was little in the way of community. This time around, hoo-boy - I’m seeing dragon and gravelord signs all over the place. I even saw a…

More helpful tips:

Goddamnit Kotaku I thought we talked about this, don’t make me cry with your articles. We had a good streak. You’re grounded.