"Ms. Deen? I have Dr. Martin Luther King's uncle on the phone, says his name is Tom. He's willing to come on your show and defend you."

Hernandez 6/17/13 (11:35:01 P.M.): I think I messed up bad, coach. What do I say when the media starts asking the tough questions?

Fuck you all.

Should I be putting money on Obama's re-election in 2012? Because I feel like I just went back to 2011.

Partial findings by Nelson Forensics indicate that some support structures were not designed in a way that would hold the weight anticipated on that level of the stadium.

"Here's your problem. See this support column? Looks like it was designed by a guy who learned calculus at a school which spent its money on a football stadium instead of a decent teacher."

HA! Unreal! Don't come here and berate my point of view with some strange Wikipedia like entry that is largely inaccurate and random. I am all for debate, but this is such a joke. Let's just start from the beginning:

I really don't understand the "He's a pro now so it's his responsibility to cut ties with people that might damage his image" argument. Those friends of his only "damage" his image when people decide to unfairly judge Jackson based on his associations.

Something worth mentioning here is that the brussel sprouts are going to pop oil up out of your pot like you threw water in it if you're not careful.

That's the joke. The entire "controversy" has completely bypassed the issue Colbert and his writers were ridiculing in the first place: How in 2014, a team can still be called the Redskins. It's satirizing how we're so numb to the fact that Redskins is a long-defined racial slur but gooks and other words instantly set…

but giving a 30-year-old anywhere near $300 million isn't just propping a team's window open—it's throwing a rock through it.

MRI scanner without which my brain tumor would have gone undiagnosed for who knows how long.....
Or Gamma Knife machine without which dangerous surgery would have at best left me deaf in one ear, at worst have had nasty complications.
Thanks to these two innovations I merely have to put up with tinnitus.
Modern medicine…

In the sequel, she and David find a bunch of old books. One is on robotic exploration of dangerous environments. Another is on quarantine procedures. A third book is simply entitled "15 REASONS NOT TO TOUCH ALIEN GOO"