☐ Mayweather

Forgive me if I’m mistaken but I always thought that was two men in the picture.

For which team?

Word. I went to some backwoods, shithole of a college and felt a weird intellectual insecurity about it for a long time. But I work in a field and in an area with a lot of people from supposedly much more prestigious schools and most of them are morons, who, ironically, can’t think creatively in any meaningful way.…

I always order coffee on a plane. Let me explain why.

GET ON WITH THE 2017 EDITION OF WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS YOU BUTT MONKEY

On one hand, maybe the Lions decades upon decades of persistent futility and mismanagement in the face of salary caps and parity could all just be a sham and it’s really Megatron’s laziness and shitty play (and Barry Sanders’ before him) that has doomed the Lions. Maybe you’re right.

The places the original guy was asking about don’t even serve food. They’re literally just breweries that only sell their own beer. You can’t even get wine or hard alcohol. They might sell chips or popcorn, and might have food trucks come.

People who take their kids to breweries and bars that also happen to serve some food are the worst of the worst. They are all, without reservation, 20 and 30-somethings who don’t want to give up their lifestyle of going out and getting tanked but are too cheap/stupid/whatever to get a babysitter. I don’t want to…

Because Barry didn’t write this article as he is the only person at this site who recognizes hockey as a sport. If it’s not FOOTBAW or baseball, it doesn’t exist as far as Magary is concerned.

Best sports hair past and present:

This has to be in the running for least-significant story in Deadspin history. It’s well behind Minor League Bat Dog Bad At Job, for example, let alone any of the Friday Bear series.

So those Brazilian soccer players in the shower were providing DNA samples for testing?

The sheer randomness of their inception, though, means it would be totally fine if we one day decided to change them, too.

You wanna flake on your beer league kickball/dodgeball game? No problem. If I walk away from the league I’m out $40 but got a free t-shirt that isn’t good for anything but painting in.

So KP is the ski trip to Melo’s time share sale? I like it.

Now, let’s put John Daly in a Wario outfit.

Shut up about the Paris Agreement already!!!!

Played in the NFL? Suuuuure you did! Checks username. Oh. Never mind.

Well if he did, he was wrong. Robert Redford, Mary McDonnell, Sidney Poitier, River Phoenix, Dan Aykroyd, Phil Alden Robinson, Ben Kingsley ... they’re all liberals.