This story gives me chills. It’s such a textbook example of a guy who can’t take no for an answer (much less take a hint, as so many women, unfortunately, prefer to give in the interest of “niceness”). So many of my girlfriends (and I) have horror stories about men like this. They are really scary. If dude reacted…

Dudes like this unnerve the hell out of me. It’s like a wall of “trying” that gets increasingly mean and frantic. They are like the velociraptors in the first Jurassic Park, just jumping on the electric fence, trying to find a weak spot. And they NEVER admit that they are the creepy, stalker assholes that they are. In…

I’ve always harbored a secret wish to get into MMA.

Okay, here’s my theory.

He looks like he’s from a McDonald’s porn parody. Next thing you know, he’ll be stuffing Grimace’s muffin.

Dude, the hamburglerer should NOT have the hamburger! He should be sneaking into the store on the basement conveyer belt or something (the McDs my father managed had a basement conveyer belt and I thought it was the awesomeness things ever as a kid). And then caught by Ronald McDonald.

robble robble Robble ROBble ROBBLE ROBBLE! ROBBBBBLE!

I decided in my twenties that I did not date dudes who wouldn't go down.

I mean... Don't all couples agree to what they will or won't do at some point? Doesn't everyone have some kind of sex they don't like? You either agree to go without that or end the relationship if you can't. I thought that was called being a grown up. You don't always get everything you want so you either decide…

I don't think she's being selfish. She's setting out that she 1) doesn't do BJs, and 2) will only date a man that gives her oral sex. Nothing wrong with setting up some relationship parameters, like you said.

I don't know why anyone would be obligated to do anything in the bedroom. Penises of the world, no one owes you a blow job, no matter how swell you think you are.

As long as both parties are cool with it, I see no problem.

OMG THIS ALSO HAPPENED! THIS ALSO HAPPENED!

Every time I hear someone refer to women as "females," I think of this.

Goddamn it I swear if I trip over somebody's stray clit I will SUE. Put your clits on leashes if there's even a possibility that it will get up and trot off to the next county. Let's all be responsible clit-owners please.

"Oh jeez. Jeez. Oh jeez." It's about as awkward as somebody saying "Yep. Yep! Yep!" as they climax.

This is pretty much the norm on OKCupid. I once had a guy message me 3 HOURS after his initial message, asking me "Can you offer me a decent explanation as to why a woman would not message back a man like me?"

This guy didn't even give me THIRTEEN MINUTES to respond to his message:

Seriously, any dude that uses "libations" (or even worse "m'lady") who is not dressed in period-accurate reproduction clothing needs to be drawn and quartered. The Queen has so ordered.