arrr ‘tis true, the sight of gold drives many a Pirate mad

more like ottofellating.

In his spare time he liked to climb in boats, munch on seat cushions, shit on his way out, and taunt the table-eaters.

Pup Guard-a-gola.

“Hand of Dog” as it’s known in Argentina

He actually resigned several weeks ago, but he didn’t think he had to report it to the school.

This is the first time I’ll ever win a game of “Clue”, so here goes:

The Butler, in the tunnel, with the SICK BURN.

He didn’t even give him head pets. I do not like that baseball man.

You slather those fans in coconut oil and get them in the sun and they’ll come around.

They should’ve sued Anthony Settlesoutofcourt instead.

My parents lost their shit when Steppin’ Wolf played the county fair and I rolled my eyes and whined.

Ash? That was dirt left over from the gutter she woke up in.

Definitely my favourite James Taylor album.

Totally ridiculous.

RIP, USFL. Fuck you, Trump.

A pack of 1991 football cards would feature many of the players from Techmo Super Bowl, and ANYONE who was in that game is IMMORTAL in my eyes. I’m guessing many people out there would agree.

Kinda surprised that Pitt players aren’t getting paid, as bricklayers usually have a strong union, amirite?

Their contact began, Allen said, after Coleman catfished him by pretending to be “a number of attractive women interested in Ray Allen.”

The parody becomes even more on-point when you learn he wasn’t paid for this.