I’m glad he goes by Joaquin. It always weirded me out that River Phoenix had a brother named Leaf and Rivers Cuomo has a brother named Leaves.

One of the saddest parts of the world we live in now is that a post like this needs a "/s" tag.

I don't get doxxers. Why waste your time with small fish like porn stars or actors in a shitty remake? Why not go after the President? It can't be that hard. His Twitter password is probably something like "trump123" or "ivankasahottie69".

The big pile of money I call a bed comforts me more than a trophy ever could.

Meanwhile, Joe Piscopo checks his answering machine again to make sure he didn't miss a call from Lorne.

I think their plan/scheme will be to put the harder edged stuff on Hulu and push the bundle.

What if I want porn with director's commentary?

I always wondered why Luke Perry was replaced by John Stamos when they reenacted it for the Private Parts movie.

It's been ages since I've read the book, but wasn't the statue a fake to begin with? So wouldn't your "replica" be just as authentic?

Because if we don’t freak out over something, we may have to get off the Internet and interact with the real world.

Wait, they're adding Two Towers and Return of the King, but not Fellowship of the Ring? Unless Fellowship is already on there and I never knew because Netflix doesn't like to show anything other than their originals on the home screen. Either way, odd that they wouldn't put up the whole trilogy at once.

Will they be hitting up the same holidays or are they going to find other month-specific themes?

For a second, I forgot that Andrew Garfield played Spider-Man and thought you were referring to some planned Garfield the Cat/Venom crossover, and dammit, now I want that made. (Hey, if Archie can fight Predator, surely this could happen.)

Every variation of the Aristocrats joke is infinitely funnier if you replace the punchline with Aristocats.

Are the producers so speciesist that they cast a female monkey to play a male monkey, thinking no one will notice? I mean, they're right. No one will notice, but still.

He played Elvis in Bubba Ho-Tep.

And “Welcome To Paradise” only gets airtime because it was re-released on Dookie.

I’d like Springsteen better if the E Street Band didn’t always sound like a bar band playing for free beer.

Strangely, PornHub actually has a SFW category, which makes me wonder what workplace is okay with their employees even visiting Pornhub. “As long as there’s no titties, we won’t have to send you to HR.”

Netflix hates teens and wants to drive them all to suicide.