National Lampoon had a much more concise spin on it back in the late 70's/early 80's, and it’s always stuck in my head- “Give me your tired, your poor, your willing to work cheap...”

I don’t Fortnite, brah, and I’ve never seen his stream, but his NYE appearance did provide one of the most delicious self-owns I’ve ever seen, that being the whole “we’re gonna get 250,000 people to floss up in here!!1"

“Records”, LOL.

I worked for Mercedes from 84-95, and while I was a lackey in their parts warehouse, one of the cool things was they loved to give all the employees lots of swag. I was there during the “100th anniversary” year, and one of the perks all employees received was a big glossy coffee table book on the history of the…

Am I the only person who’s literally nauseated by the icky-yeasty smell inside a Subway shop?

Check your sarcasm detector...

I’m betting I’m not the only person who- on opening or refreshing google news- hopes against hope that some “sad/not sad” news about our ailing POTUS adorns the lede...

I normally avoid confrontation- IRL and online- but there’s something sadistically satisfying about poking the “stop liking what I don’t like!” crowd...

I wouldn’t be surprised if the NRA filed a lawsuit agin’em for stealing their moronic ”but cars kill people too!” argument...

Also, we must continuously pointed out that conflating “anti-Israel” with “anti-semitism” is one of the most disingenuous talking points in recent memory.  

It needs to be hammered at the fuckwads on the Right and their fuckwad supporters that conflating “anti-Israel” with “anti-semetic” is about as disingenuous as a talking point can get, but sadly the majority of MAGA-maggots would have no clue- or care- what what disingenuous even means...

Oh pleeze pleeze pleeze pleeze pleeze let it be Dershowitz!

It’s totally true. It doesn’t matter if you’re brilliant, have a PhD or a Nobel prize, are a surgeon or Ivy League professor, if you support that grifting moron despite all of the mountains of evidence of his reprehensible criminality, you are unfathomably stupid. There’s no other way to put it.

Be ye a Trump supporter? Because if you are, nothing you say is the least bit credible, because all right-thinking folk know with certainty that anyone who claims to support Trump is unfathomably stupid.

I’ve noticed a distinct issue with McD’s drive-thru lately, and it’s common to many of them in my area.  When there’s a line at the drive-thru, it will very often come to pass that cars are sitting and waiting at the ‘pay’ window, while there’re no cars ahead of them towards the ‘pick-up’ window.  The reason is that…

I can confirm ‘Christmas in July’ is a real thing; on July 2 of this year, I retrieved from my mailbox a letter from my neighborhood HOA, of which I am not a member, nor have I ever interacted with (it’s 100% voluntary). It began “Dear Kevin and Ramona, Congratulations on winning third prize in our 2018 Best Decorated…

Oh lordy, they love them some tactical gear... it’s really slimming!

So I was at Great America in the early 80's, waiting in line for a water ride, and who should come by but Gary Oldman, being carried on the shoulders of a very muscular black fellow. Everyone noticed them cutting the line- getting well deserved star treatment- and someone called out “Hey Arnold!”.

S’okay, he can transform himself into Short-fingered Vulgarian Junior, literally.

I’ve been on my local Nextdoor for about 4 years now; it’s not anonymous in the least, everyone is registered with their name, and their location is shown on a neighborhood map.