As a pale skinned Irishman, “350 days of sunshine a year” may be the most terrifying thing I have ever read.

I miss the old Chiefs/Raiders rivalry, where Ray Guy did The Hustle for several minutes straight after pinning Kansas City behind the 10-yard-line and then Walter White would try to one-up him by doing the Funky Chicken in the end zone after scoring and then Ted Hendricks would brain Walter with his helmet.

this is actually great for me because i can’t get off unless i turn my television up to max volume while buster olney is talking about structural damage to the throwing bone

“If Jesus had practiced this tactic, his male descendants could have saved more than $20,000 by now.”

And to think, they’re not even the most empowered group of wizards in Washington.

I have an 8 year old that I routinely lock out of the router so she can’t watch shit-ass YouTube videos on her laptop.

“I can’t get to the Internet!”
“Yeah, I locked you out for being a dick.”
“Dad-DEEEE!”
“Eat shit, pumpkin. This is a House of Laws.”

Was expecting “do you want in on the deal? It’ll cost you about tree fiddy.” and that’s when I noticed the scammer was an eight story tall creature from the Paleolithic era.

Now imagine making enough money to buy 13 of those $500,000 Ferraris every minute of every day, all year. That’s our federal revenue. Now imagine making enough to buy one every second of every minute of every day for a whole year, and still have enough left over after ever minute to buy another 13? That’s our GDP.

Quite the opposite. I don’t know how old you are, but growing up with a poster of a Viper on the wall was common in the 90's because the Viper was once the king of the hill. Nothing could touch it. Even Jeremy Clarkson said in the 90's: “Against this (Viper), the Diablo is like Winnie the Pooh.” Up through about 2005…

“Instead they suspend him for 5/8ths of a season”

Thanksgiving 1987 or 1988, my great uncle had to tell us about a project he was working on. He told us all about this computer system where we would shop and share information. I didn’t believe him and told him he was full of shit. Much later I apologized (over email, of course)

Addition: Mater and Sally are having an affair, and when Lightning is catching on to it, Mater and Sally decide to clip his brake lines so that he will die and Sally can collect his life insurance. They take the life settlement and run off to Central America where they pay off local politicians to keep them safe.

Lightning crashes violently while texting pictures of his exhaust headers to a VW Eos half his age. He is paralyzed for life, and begs Mater to kill him in his hospital bed. Mater declines, finds religion, and is raptured at the end of the movie.

Edit. Mater cut his brake line (can he do that?) and kills his friend! Teach kids about homicide and death all at once!

You have to talk to other people to be dishonest

the sweet release of death?

And here was I thinking that the best gifts for Cavalier and Sunfire owners were a bottle of whisky and a loaded handgun.

You’d prefer that elected officials just lie at will with no one pointing it out?

Waaaahhhhhh.

It puts the lotion on the skin or Tavarish sells you a 15 year old M3 for the price of a used Accord again.