Hi Lifehacker! Looking forward to answering your questions!

I think so many of us do this awful rumination thing instead of just ASKING because it's a way for us to feel like we have some semblance control. If we can "figure out what he meant", "decipher the code", or "uncover the underlying meaning", we feel like we're doing something. As opposed to the vulnerability and the…

Your comment made me think of a study I saw recently. It was sponsored by a coffee manufacturer or hotel brand or something like that, so it admittedly may not have been the most rigorous study. Anyway, they asked participants to pick a word that they would like their sex life to be more like. The usual standbys like…

Beautifully put! Oh what a wonderful world it would be if we all accepted this definition of sex positivity.

I'd follow up with, "Oh, why don't you do it?" The answers to that could be many, ranging from simply never having done it before to having exes who weren't into it to being overly concerned about his skills. Chances are that talking about it and working together will lead to the outcome you want. If he truly does not…

Great! Ok first a caveat that women get stuck in their heads for very personal reasons, and I obviously can't address each unique situation. One of the most important distinctions to make is between ruminating and dissociating. So in other words, are you getting distracted by your to-do list, or are you leaving your…

Love this! The willingness part is so important... staying open to your partner and allowing yourself to be in tune with what you're actually feeling in the moment. We can get stories in our head about "my partner wants it so much more than I do" or "I want it so much more than my partner does", and then get stuck in…

Being consistently turned down for sex and intimacy, vs feeling repeatedly pressured to do something you don't want to do - both can be excruciatingly painful and vulnerable experiences. I think the key is to recognize that both partners are hurting, and to try to bring love and connection to the negotiation of sex.…

Somebody get this lady some beers, a backrub and a vibrator stat! It's great that you are able to identify so many factors that help get you in the mood. A lot of women have no idea what they need. Breaks my heart to see ladies beating themselves up for not wanting sex more often without taking the time to understand…

Seems like you and your hubs have found some great ways to get you more interested in sex, so I'm curious about what gets in the way of getting you in the mood and being adventurous more often. (I know you have a baby, but you don't give much detail about how that affects your sex life currently). A lot of my female…

In my experience, the average long-term couple has sex 1-2 times per month. My caveat of course is that my sample size is restricted to couples who come in to see me for therapy.

As a sex therapist, I'm thrilled to see this post on Lifehacker. I recently wrote about this topic on my own blog. In my experience, the belief that great sex just magically happens is singlehandedly the most damaging sexual myth. I wish more people realized that making the effort to have great sex can be a thoroughly…