Cut it in half and squeeze it out urself like a man. You don’t have to buy it prepackaged. Whiney ass millennial.

Thank god. For a while there I thought I was being racist for thinking all the winners looked alike.

Turns out Allen filed for a restraining order the night before.

Cheerleaders on the sideline, barely clothed, shaking butts: Totally cool bro! Team spirit!

This looks like a great video.

Someone on Twitter put it best: One day Cam is going to die on the field and he’ll get called for delay of game.

A guy I know played for a mid-major that was scheduled at Duke in the last decade. His story: they took the lead into the locker room, carried it about halfway into the second half, and added to their lead with a pair of free throws on an unremarkable foul call. In between free throws, Coach K walks over to the ref…

At least he eventually did the right thing, and took a drop.

Headshot: let is slide
Toss football at a player: 15-yard penalty
Beat Up Wife: one game suspension
Marijuana For Pain: dead to us

THE SWAMP WAS ANGRY THAT DAY MY FRIENDS

Snake: Bye!

In college, Newt Gingrich came to my school to speak. He visited my class, which focused on the UN and the history of NGOs and IGOs. We got into a discussion about Iran and he rambled on about how they hate us because they hate modernity. I raised my hand to point out that there is probably still asked degree of…

I was a contractor in Baghdad in 2006-2007 when the most patriotic and ‘Merican of all entertainers, one Mr. Toby Fucking Keith, graced us with his presence. Being a jaded asshole, I was all prepared to roll my eyes as he visited and sucked up to the troops in front of the cameras for publicity’s sake. That shit did…

2 uncool stories for yah.

I was alone in an elevator with Ruth Bader Ginsburg and she farted. I was going to ignore it like a gentleman when she said “woah did somebody step on a duck.” We both laughed and she turned to me and said “no one will ever believe you if you tell this again.” She is one wise lady.

I call BS on this story, because no credible club has BACK SEATS on golf carts. Sorry, Butthole.

“Me and my dad went to a racetrack once. Like indian-polis or something. Anyways, we didn’t have cars so we decided to roll around on the cement while other people tried to drive cars. After a couple minutes, a very nice person gave us some hot dogs and asked us to give the helmets back. I was sad because we’re…

This is going to sound crazy, but I was there and remember seeing that. Wasn’t the director wearing a hideous hat at the time? I believe it was of the style given to vagrants along with a free bowl of soup.

Man you sure showed them.