Gentlemen, you're speaking to fucking Michelob Ultra. You're speaking to beer, an inanimate, yet delicious, refreshment.

That letter has just the right amount of mistakes to make them interview the absolute perfect Southern gentlemen soldier.

My God. Did the Internet cause all the idiots in the world to forget what an editorial is? Jesus.

Microshaft YTP? Perfect.

Hell — I'm on the East Coast and I fucking hate the fact that the nearest In-and-Out is about 1,900 miles away from my house.

Loving that laser rifle on the wall.

That was redonkulously in-depth. Well played.

God. Florida is the tits — by "tits," of course, I mean a fucking she-devil sent to prey on the weak minded.

That part where the shopkeeper presses the panic button after seeing Aiden on the TV?

Brilliance.

This wasn't made by 'Murica, but 'Murica anyway.

I swear — dogfights and horse-flies, man. Dogfights and horse-flies.

Genius.

Average of 62.2 on four-year-old iMac with an ATI Radeon HD 4850. I feel impressed that it can run it at that. My graphics card is oooooolllllllllddddddd at this point, and completely un-upgradeable as far as I know.

We had a dedicated line when we got our Internet connection back when I was in fifth grade, I think? That made things go significantly smoother. Nothing better after school than damn Warcraft II on a dialup.

Oh my God. Ancient Warfare: Ghostfighter.

Hey now! It's an upgrade already!

I can't believe I was the first to get to it. Blew my fucking mind.

As father to a future nerd, that was amazing. Wil Wheaton, congratulations on being awesome and helping make us nerds be a little more awesome, too.

John Cusack would choke a bitch.

You don't understand — there's always money in the banana stand.