The print journalism side of my brain is thinking, while I'm typing up police reports, "HOLY SHIT! DRAGON ADVERTISEMENTS! PRINT IS REBORN!"

As much as I love the Assassin's Creed franchise, by GOD I love the Assassin's Creed franchise, for games that are much more story driven, the one-year cycle just doesn't mash well with me. I want to let the storyline sit and develop in my head before I'm thrust into an entirely new storyline with new characters and…

Mmmm. Well played.

Please God don't let this turn into I Am Alive. I'm genuinely interested by how this looks.

Good Lord. You should hide somewhere extremely safe.

Good God — it's Soviet Russia.

I smell comic book tie-in all over this one. Something is amiss.

Dude, I totally snea-kinged every last one of them. The only thing I've gotten increasingly upset about is all the freaking soldiers with armor on. My wonderful tranquilizer rifle is basically an item brick.

I just played through that damn Alice Garden Pods brawl last night. This is the first thing that came to mind — but damn you Kotaku writers beating me to the punch. Honestly? China's look bigger.

Wow. I honestly never thought about it that way, considering I fall into that category you mentioned. I'd say that's dead on. Well played!

Dikembe Mutumbo would like to say something about that girl attempting to "retrieve" Smith's "pipe."

You kidding me? I'd sell my body to science for some brand spanking new HD robot master battling. Sometimes you gotta go back to your roots to find something innovative. Do what you know, right?

Let me be the first to say, thank God. And please, Google, let me watch the Goonies with this thing, because, seriously, why the hell not?

Annnnnnnnddddd the fuck is going on with South Africa nowadays?

Yay. Another season pass. I feel about as jacked as Ozzy Osborne eating a sandwich on stage.

I recognized. I was being sarcastic toward the simple fact that game developers seemed to have trended much, much more toward doing what the general public has proven is successful rather than taking daring leaps into uncharted territories. Every now-and-again, something innovative and inventive is put forward that…

Bullshit. Top of the mountain, my ass. There's still good IPs left to destroy. I'm GLAD Capcom did away with Mega Man. Fuck that! MOAR DRAGONZ. SHOWZ ME MOAR DRAGONZ.

This IP has 100 percent of my faith.

Have you ever seen a giant douche? It's incredibly difficult to spot giant douches in the world. Giant douches blend in well, till covered in water. Then they immediately upset everyone by flapping themselves in the wind.

I would have gone with chutzpah, but moxie is good, too.