Go directly to Jail. Do not pass A1-A BEACHFRONT AVENUE. Do not collect $200.

This is like an incredibly unannoying primer for Value This...which might be the worst show on NPR.

Though, as Shelly Miscavige would tell you, hiding is pretty easy to do once Scientology gets involved!

Mohamed’s 30,000 square-foot mansion in Bel Air might destroy the cliff it’s being built on,

When I was six years old, I had an embarrasingly intense thing for Mickey Mouse. My parents decided to tote my brother and me on our first trip to Walt Disney World. Naturally this was to be the singular epic event in my life, against which no later accomplishments could possibly measure up.

I felt it was only polite…

When I was 6, a classmate told me that the underside of a slug is highly poisonous and that the poison can be fatally absorbed through the skin on contact. I knew about poison dart frogs, so this seemed reasonable. I pity the poor lunch lady the day I tripped and smeared my palm right on a big fat slug when I fell. I…

We all thought we were gonna nurse that injured bird back to perfect health.

As a kid, the movie Gremlins kind of freaked me out. I remember my father telling me that if I didn’t brush my teeth, they’d come and get me. So damn right I brushed my teeth.

Crystal Barbie! Oh my gosh, I can vividly remember how that dress/boa felt and sounded as it stickily “crunched.”

Peaches and Cream was the greatest, but Day-to-Night Barbie was also a fave of mine. I really thought, as a child, that my work life would lend itself to needing LOTS of reversible, office-wear-to-night-on-the-town outfits. Instead, I go from cardigans at work to sweatpants at home. Nice trick, Barbie.

Why not both?

My kid has never been into Barbie or any of that- she was always more of a Littlest Pet Shop sort of kid (of which we have MILLIONS).
In contrast, 6-year-old me in 1990 once found a Barbie lying in a gutter while walking to the park, and I fucking took that thing home and cleaned it up and promptly chopped off its…

We all know girls don’t shit.

Jon Benet Barbie?

OMG I have vivid memories of getting Peaches n Cream Barbie for xmas! That irridescent top! the peach chiffon! She looks like she’s ready to accompany Burt Reynolds to an awards show and I LOVE IT!

I had that Barbie too, and I loved her. I wasn’t even that big of a Barbie kid (My Little Pony was my jam) but they had such awesome ones in the 80’s. Another fave of mine was the Dream Glow Barbie...the stars glowed in the dark!

No toilet? Did Barbie shit in the tub?

Not nearly as wonderful as 1984’s Peaches ‘N Cream Barbie:

Eh, if you're truly building a bar from scratch, I think you can start with a lower priced bourbon. Personally I love W.L. Weller Special Reserve (especially when you can find it for $13 a bottle), but even regular Buffalo Trace comes in below Eagle Rare and is good for both sipping and mixing.