/dismissive wank 

Bret, invite me to dinner at your house. I will NOT call you a bedbug. I will, however, give you a swirly and bang your wife. 

Damn, that Joker movie is woke! It has a MAN in the refrigerator!

Holy hell, this was a realllllllly long way to just say “we don’t like Taylor Swift that much as a person, the album was fine, 6/10.”

Oh hey, Backstreet’s back.  Alright. 

They’re pathological. This site basically turns into Shutter Island if you dare mention her name.

It’s the lefty version of Paul Ryan quoting The Fountainhead whenever his dormmate asked him to stop masturbating constantly while he was trying to study.  

I think I’ve seen those. They’re the ones with the cannon to the left of them and cannon to the right of them, aye?

If you fire fast enough, you can push the hot air out of the building.

Dwight’s brother was using this machine after he took control of the building.  

“if you donated to Inslee or Hickenlooper”

He’s like the guy that got away. By the time you realized that he was the right one for you, he had drifted away already. He globally warmed my heart. Fare thee well, Jay Inslee.

Daddy shifts uncomfortably in his seat as he adjusts his truss. 

I saw a movie where Tom Cruise didn't look crazy. 

“A properly trained shooter can whip their gun around in a sidearm throwing motionwhile firing to curve the bullets”

I can’t speak for every boy scout troop - but when my dad couldn’t get enough victims at home anymore he joined/lead a boy scout troop.

And randomly experimenting on prisoners is a proven method for creating Whitey Bulger!

Plus, he’s obviously super-duper smart. I mean, just look at those glasses!

There’s a world of difference in tone and content between It 2 and Godzilla, you realize.