My draft was in before he tweeted that and now I'm very sad that we couldn't include it.

What is a “high-level conservative comedian”?

EDGAR FUCKING MARTINEZ. Finally.

Two writers owed money to Placido Polanco.

So what you’re saying is that it is not an affront to God to consume poop on Fridays during Lent?

Until he changes his name to Poorbum Conspicuous, yeah. 

Yeah, it’s deeply strange, like injecting someone else’s blood into your veins to harness their vitality.

This asshole really just wanted an excuse to have as many burgers as he could without it seeming weird.

Normally, it has to be planned well in advance to be shoehorned into the extremely busy schedule of the president.

What a mistake. Just like Russell Wilson and Drew Brees, Murray is just too short to play QB in the NFL.

No of course not. As a Barstool guy, supporting an oppresive apartheid state is cool as hell.

I’ll take the bullet and start the obvious “Internet dorks yelling at each other” thread:

“I hope you both enjoy your continued relations, as I know this news won’t stop you.”

Double Doink, you say?

Kinda glad they did. Doesn’t seem like something Nintendo would want to associate with. Although it was a big viral boost. And the whole Bowsette phenomenon got weird to me after the 5th time I jerked off to it. 

might you say it was a home run play?

The way the crowd started chanting for Foles as he was being checked on the sideline and erupted as he made his way back to the field was unreal. I’m not even a Philly fan, but that just hit me in the feels and made the FG drive one of those moments to witness.

BIG DICK NICK! BIG DICK NICK! BIG DICK NICK!

This is exactly how the people who’ve greenlit the last 6 years’ worth of DC movies think.