Never underestimate Dem’s ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

“Fuck. So close.”

As a POC I don’t disagree with anything he said. At that point in time shit was like it was now but like 50 times worse. Black Community leaders endorsed this bill. HELL BERNIE SANDERS ENDORSED THIS BILL with his sorry not sorry reasons. And the black community does have some onus to take on here. Hindsight is 20/20.…

I do love a millennial who thinks 40 years olds are so old we don’t know what the internet is or how to use it. (do they not teach the history of the technology in school?)

me recruiting u for isis

is it just me or does meghan trainor looks like ted cruz

“Oh shit, oh, sorry, sexual harassment. You can do the same to me if you like,”

I know it’s a typo, but I’m laughing and imagining a shop of clothes specifically for people to be buried in.

or those taking chill selfies with a staple in their forehead.

Okay so... am I the only one who thought that Zwolinski, even with the broken nose, face staple, and bruised/bloodied face, is really hot?

I’ve got two azalea bushes in my backyard. One is named “Iggy” and the other one, which gets more sunlight, is named “Ms. Banks.”

This should not be confused with my lawsuit over the fact that I spent almost a year training my waist and it still pees on the floor and bites the mailman.

“My daily routine is I get up and go in the kitchen and turn on all the lights and I see all the green and I go ‘Oh, it’s a happy day!’”

She’s my new role model :')

Reminds me of when my sister and I lived in Nob Hill in San Francisco. Back when I had disposable income and could afford the rent (although most of our money went on alcohol). We used to eat at this little neighborhood Italian restaurant and these two elderly twin sisters would be there every time. They always wore…

When my youngest son was just potty trained, he would run in circles like that yelling “potty emergency” when he had to pee. I would have to catch him mid-run to get him to the bathroom.

At one of my jobs, my boss accused me of panicking when we had a girl whose nose started bleeding. All I did was go across the hall and tell one of the supervisors we needed to get someone to come and clean up the blood. No clue where she got panicking from especially since she wasn't there. I even asked someone later…

I had a friend like this. We had this emergency, and my other friends and I are calmly assessing and getting things fixed and figuring out what to do. He’s screaming, “Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!”

I laughed at the dude too, but more because he just looks totally overwhelmed and has no idea what to do to help while the clerk saves the day with the baby and calling 911 at the same time. I assumed that he was helping somehow off screen, like or meant to help by asking “WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO!?!” at her while…

Jezebel... You just grossed me out.

If Sanders was on the show this article would be going on and on about what a funny old guy he is and how cool it is that Ilana and Abbi support him etc. etc. except we get this. Maybe they respect HRC because they are both women in a male-dominated industry they get all the shit that she has been through and how hard…