If you hate Rutgers you hate America. Rutgers gave the world Carli Lloyd the only reason why America won gold in 2012 and the World Cup in 2015.

“Rutgers Continues To Besmirch The Big Ten Name By Being Very Dreadful”

Altoids on the other hand fully denounced Trump. Considering they are not involved in this, I found their statement to be curiously strong.

Uhhhhh because he recruited, coached, and enabled the likes of Aaron Hernandez, the Pounceys, Leak, and countless other notable shitheads while crowing about how they are the “top 1% of the top 1%” of college players. Tebow is the anomaly of the whole god-awful group, and Meyer skipped town as soon as Jesus Jr. left…

Welcome to Jalopnik, Mr. Pence.

He’s an editor here. He probably isn’t going anywhere. It might be in your better interest for you to fuck off, instead.

SWEET JESUS NO

My friends and I made a high school film involving the train formation. We are no longer allowed around high schools.

Monica Seles

If Pagan wants to bodyslam one more idiot on the field, there’s an orange-clad hick on the mound tonight that could use a good sitout powerbomb.

Diana Ross at the Steelers/Cowboys/Neil O’Donnell Super Bowl was the first one I remember. The crowd held up colored sheets of paper to create an image, I think it was a USA one or something. I also ate a whole bag of Doritos.

Well, I mean, you can decide if your personal code says “public figure assaulted with a soft food product is justified in drawing blood in retaliation.” But in most jurisdictions, I believe that wouldn’t stand up as self defense from a legal perspective. Actually, I think in many if not most jurisdictions, whether or…

More than kind of, but: I think the piece makes the context pretty clear, if accurately reported. Pie was thrown. Then words were spoken. Then Johnson started throwing punches. For the most part neither getting pied nor getting verbally assaulted are considered justifications for starting a fist-fight, and if the…

OH YEAH BRO? OH YEAH? I GET LAID ALL THE TIME BY 10/10 MODELS SO OFTEN I CONSTANTLY HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO GET MY FLUIDS REPLACED. I’M LIKE THE BRAKES OF AN AARP MEMBER’S CAR BRO JUST SPLOOSHING EVERYWHERE. I’M BASICALLY BANGING GIRLS LEFT AND RIGHT, AND I HAD TO HAVE MY WIENER REGISTERED AS A WEAPON BECAUSE I…

Fuck your fantasy team!

He overthrew two wide open receivers, and his throwing has been bad so far this season (and even though he had the highest completion percentage in the league last year, a lot of that was due to having Jackson, Garçon, and Reed, three of the best adjusters to balls in the league). If he makes one of those throws, the…

Oh goodness, the power you wield. Does the FBI know about you?

“in certain organizations and certain jobs you give up that right of your freedom of speech temporary [sic] while you serve that job”

“I Condone Child Molestation”

According to Fangraphs, Trout is the 12th best-rated defensive outfielder this season, making him a shoo-in for his first GG.