If they were black, the cops would have killed them because all cops are racist.

He better enjoy the celebration while it lasts because everyone on this website knows that he’ll probably be lunched or arrested soon because the South is so racist. Also, police are racist too

I’m calling bullshit on this report. Next I’m going to see is a story saying the sun is going to rise tomorrow.

Two better questions:

Was it Michelle Obama? You have to admit, she does look kind of mannish.

“I know we’ve been married for years, but I want to see another guy fuck you better than I can.”

Bob Stoops is the Marvin Lewis of College Football. Sure, they maintain 9 wins a year, but when you consider how badly he’s under-performed with the talent he has you wonder, “how the fuck has this guy not been fired?”

I did too, mate! Remember that time when Pip was going all sixes and sevens in the corner and then he went and SHAT ON A TURTLE!

Fired or cancer. Take your pick.

Like the Michael Scott Scholarship Fund, you'll be let down in the end.

Jay-Z’s got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one. I don’t think he’ll be coming by to pick up the check.

I know you have to be at least 40 to be a man, but what's the age requirement for being a grown-ass man?

Your explanation for “What Might Not Suck” is probably the best and most insightful thing you have ever written.

Except that he IS a poor leader. In fact, he's not just a poor leader, he's a SHITTY leader. He sucked as a leader when he was here at WVU, that's why he fell to the 2nd Round (on top of the fact that he's not very smart and isn't a good QB).

Blacks are poor because of racism? Interesting. Tell me, have you ever been through Appalachia? There are many more poor whites in this country than blacks. My point is, it’s NOT racism, it’s just a little bit more complex than that.

She should have hired Euphegenia Doubtfire.

Cris Carter should be fired! This is blatant racism. Why doesn't just call him the N word while he's at it.

Seriously, how stupid is Jennifer Garner? No wife in her right mind would ever hire an attractive nanny for this very reason. I can’t stand Ben Affleck, but Jenn brought this on herself.

Most aren't built like AP. Also, he's had a full year off, which helps prolong his career. Also, the NFL has become more of a passing league and less of a pro-style, run-it-up-the-gut league. So, again, stick to Jezebel. You're out of your league on this one.

Over the hill? Stick to Jezebel, because it's obvious that you don't know shit about football.