As someone who had a miracle baby in her early forties after years of trying, for the love of gawd, Paris, don’t wait until a bullshit ceremony! (Assuming she’s telling the truth.)

We bathe our 13.5-month-old every other day. Is it gross now that it’s summer and she’s starting to walk and she’s getting into stuff like fish? Yes, yes it is. #sorrynotsorry

Being cheated on is not part of her brand. She’s Jennifer Lopez, not Aniston (not that the latter was actually cheated on, but that’s the narrative).

100% calculated and I am here for it.

See also: Jen and Brad (not that their relationship was followed by particularly stable ones on either side). 

Yup. I used to know  a Dorit and this was literally the first time “Dorito” occurred to me. Now I can’t unsee it, and I’m wondering how she was never teased.

Yes! I have never seen a single episode of any of the franchises, but enough with the condescension and the sanctimony around this type of entertainment. I don’t get the Olympics — why should I care if the jock from my country beats the jock from your country? — but I don’t roll my eyes at people who look forward to…

That’s the style (for better or worse). Like bikini tops that intentionally don’t cover the bottom of your boobs. 

I’m sorry for your loss. How awful. 

Stay strong. You aren’t the antagonist, they are. 

Yeah, I feel bad about the number of people who probably think I’m ignoring them. I was never able to do what you just described btw (despite being out of the greys myself), but now I guess everyone can’t. 

And why say something in a sentence or two when you can drag it out over several long-winded paragraphs chock full of $5 words?

Right? So poorly written, yet so intriguing. 

Fuuuuuuck Franzen. I was waiting to see him in the comments. The Corrections alone has to be, like, half of this list, but I honestly can’t remember because I’ve blocked most of it from my mind.

OMG, this reminds of an ex of mine in my twenties who hung my purse on a fence instead of holding it. Couldn’t do it for even 10 seconds. 

Oh man, I’m so glad I read this right now. I am moving in a month and a bit of a hoarder when it comes to books. This article is really helping me get rid of a bunch I have never read and probably never will despite being Very Important. 

Hear hear! 

I find it terrifying too. I was never one of those children who fantasized about being an astronaut when I grew up. I understand the point, in theory, of space exploration, but no thanks. 

Even if I had the money, I have zero interest in personally going to outer space. Fuck, I haven’t seen most of this world yet. I don’t need to experience the vastlessness of the universe.