My narcissistic mother in law still wouldn't "get"this. She would find some way to be like OH YOU WANT TO BASK IN MY BITTERNESS WELL WHO IS BITTER NOW YOU ARE HAHA

I'm going to stop defending my choices to assholes and just start using the simple but brilliant sign off "because fuck you that's why."

Perhaps they'll even blame their relationship problems on her.

The moment at which you start screaming and hurling swears at an employee is the moment at which you deserve absolutely no sympathy or understanding whatsoever.

Please tell me there was club sauce involved.

Confused Elderly Panda is my new band name.

It was my favorite scene from Spirited Away.

Show of hands: who else Googled Mitchum-Humpsterfumper Disease?

"Most of the time she looked like a confused elderly panda, but one day a server accidentally spilled a glass of water in her lap and she stood up and started cursing the server in tongues — I swear she looked like an enraged demon from a Miyazaki film, hair swirls, red eyes, and everything."

I used to work at this super-trendy restaurant, the kind of place where the servers are incompetent but super hot and stylish — we were once on a list of 'Most Attractive Waitstaffs' for our city.

This one is actually a good server/bad manager story. My sister-in-law loves to eat at this local restaurant that serves some amazing Spinach & Artichoke Dip. They are also the kind of place that is open until 11pm, but doesn't really have customers past 9. We came in around 9:30, ordered our usual, only people in the…

i wanna flip like 500 tables about that last one. WOW THO.

Just as in France and Israel you have to serve in the military for a period of time, in my fiefdom every American would be made to be in a service job for AT LEAST a few months. You just never act like an asshole with people when you know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

I explained to him that filet mignon is a steak, a very nice cut of beef. This guy actually argued with me, causing a big scene.

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

Instead of punching her in the face, like I wanted to, I said, "how 'bout I don't charge you for the haircut, and we'll call it even?"

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

I worked at a dinner theatre where we saw all kinds of weirdos. We had comment cards on each table and always followed up on any negative comments. We were serving a cedar planked salmon, and received the feedback "the bread under the salmon was too hard." There was a quick sort through the cedar planks, and sure…

I love how BCO always appears right around when i break for lunch...

oh fuck, get in my fucking mouth right now.