and I hate everything going on with giz media ... I hate thinking about losing you all and this site!

I thought I’d give an update ... I still haven’t heard back from my case manager about potential treatment plans. I’m pleasantly buzzed right now, in fact. I just hate feeling like this. I keep imagining them together and it’s heartbreaking to realize I’ll never see him again ...

and part of me never wants to get close to another person again, which is dramatic, but also true, maybe it’s better to just be alone

He’s fuckin’ fine and hopeful (he said he felt hopeful) and I’m struggling with some really dark thoughts ... I get that life’s not fair and everything, but this just hurts too much and I know “you should hangout with your friends and lean on people” but I don’t really have friends, I have care workers, but they’re not…

A bit of an update, and thank you to those that care and have taken an interest. I had my rule 25 assessment last Thursday (you can’t get into treatment without one). I’ve found a few harm reduction programs that seem good. I just don’t know if I’m ready to stop drinking, in the past there was always a reason, but…

My birthday comes up in November, I just wish I had more positive wishes

.I just wanted to touch base, yeah, I’m, doing ok, I guess. It’s going to take a while to get seen for a drug and alcohol assessment. You can’t effectively get treatment without it. I’m just so hurt and sad, everything feels hopeless, I know it isn‘t but it feels that way

Thanks, that’s very true

I will, she knows I’m really struggling.

I don’t want to worry my parents, or mess up at school (college). It still feels dumb to be so broken up about some guy.

Hmmm I’m not sure how to respond to people individually? When I click on this post some show up, but not others, and they’re not pending responses so I’m not sure why they’re not showing up? I also texted my mom, kind of embarassing, but I haven’t heard back yet (it’s morning-ish here in Mn).

I just wanted to let people know I’m ok. I have an appointment on thursday with my therapist. I tried seven cups of tea, it helped a bit.

absolutly and I know what you mean, no worries.

I left my info with smartrecovery

very, very true

though all this over some boy, seems dumb as hell.

Oh absolutly, I wouldn’t ever want to put my bs on anyone else, ever of course. And my meds are pretty good. though we”ll talk about my anti-depressants of course.

“I want to die, I want to die” is all I hear in my head and all over some boy ... that’s fucking stupid. and I know that. I should suck up and deal, fuck he’s is, he’s got he’s new cutie. And it’s always that way, with almost all of my past friends they just move on and are fine. I just want it to stop.

I have done better, but I always alone, I don’t really have anyone. I don’t want to disapoint my family by brining them into this. and I don’t feel like I have friends I can turn to. and I know I’ve got shit to do. homework and stuff, I just can’t concentrate.

I don’t IO’m not that unique, I’m a whiny melodramatic alcoholic. I’m not adding anything to anyone, not really.