+2 for you...one for each jug.

I can’t tell if it’s a sign of my own immaturity or a sign of brilliant marketing on the part of Sessions Brewing, or both, but anytime I see a bar that stocks their lager I always order a round for my friends because each bottle cap has one of paper-rock-scissors on the underside.

Justin Verlander can’t be bothered to play, as he’s used to getting hit in the face by large jugs on a nightly basis.

There was a brief argument over which game to play in the locker room, but obviously Cooler Heads prevailed.

As if anyone in Afghanistan or Albania is ordering this throwback Tim Raines jersey

“This is exactly why we have riots throughout the country, because of this bullshit,”

Under the current plan, last in the parade will be a guy in a Zika costume.

Well, if he studied history, Shiloh would learn that fighting the men in blue is a losing battle.

We’ll count this as progress. Most Bronco DWIs begin with the driver blaming Obama.

Keo: Hello President.

Why is this hoverboard equipped with a crotch-demolishing stem in the middle?

I’m thinking the guy has a 3 inch dick and tells everyone he’s hung like a horse too.

When moving to Houston.

When did carrying a gun become required?

I think the only thing worse than wearing cargo shorts is the insistence that you actually use the dozen extra pockets they provide. What fucking urban explorer are you that you need pouches to traverse your daily life? I’ve never found myself in Target (where 95% of all cargo shorts in America are purchased) and…

UGH you’re going to be one of THOSE people who insist that your overstuffed gigantic rolly bag will fit JUST HOLD ON GIVE ME A GODDAMN MINUTE. You’re going to hold up the whole boarding process by trying desperately in vain to stuff that obnoxious bag in the overhead compartment before begging the flight attendant to…

Rio is in the same hemisphere so the water drains the same as in Australia.

Also acceptable to drink in the morning: If you are in New Orleans, but don’t live in New Orleans. If live there, this kind of behavior will end in premature death.

That GIF is the reaction I had to watching the GIF in the first place.

Sweet jesus, how great is that GIF?