I’m looking forward to only Brady and Belichick going and the rest of the Patriots snubbing the trip.

To be fair, we all wish that

I am sure Trudeau wishes he could be hanging out on Richard Branson’s island with Obama instead of guest starring on the Political Apprentice.

Someone has to kill him. Sucks I have to write that.

Photo of the Kremlin’s invitation to American diplomats:

Hold me closer, Tiny Baron.

He even plays with toy limousines. That’s just darling.

She actually wasn’t trying to be funny. That is the world she lives in.

“I don’t play golf and I don’t have a mistress.”

This could have been a really interesting, creepy film, and they ruined it by trying to be cute and shit. Just think how usually dopey nice guy Pratt would have been as an even more forthright, sinister stalker. Let’s say she wasn’t the first one he woke up, and the last one simply “didn’t work out” and is nowhere to…

The movie would be all about the bullfighter and she’d be played by Emma Stone.

The shade is strong with this one.

I watched some of one episode of this and the only thing I took from it was that I was supposed to be taking this show very seriously, and it was probably going to be a waste of time.

Not to mention it’s a skillset that will serve you well in old age. Dementia will feel like a pair of comfortable old slippers.

I had the misfortune of getting stuck on the block around Trump Tower while Christmas shopping yesterday. Holy fuckballs what a shit show. All of the sidewalks are divided by metal gates, the police presence is unreal, and it took me a solid 10 minutes to walk one block because of stupid tourists taking selfies with…

Someone who treats you like that is not your friend, and certainly not your best friend. I’ve never met Anxiety Monster and I’m already a better friend than this person because I have never done anything to harm her. 

I’m so sorry a piece of plastic has brought you so much pain, but these are all air plants which means no dirt or water to worry about...

I’m so sorry a piece of plastic has brought you so much pain, but these are all air plants which means no dirt or…

You know, I’m starting to think that maybe he might not be an ideal candidate for the Presidency...

His policies blow around with the wind, kinda like his hairpiece.