Dear NFL,

Was willing to call this Jamboroo a success after reading the bit about Al Michaels, but the poop story really just fired it over the top. it is now my goal to one day have a poop break the speed of sound.

God knows I don’t want Trump to win this, but I can’t help but laugh at every one of you who took every opportunity over the last two years to post smarmy, not at all funny anti-Trump comments in this network of sites as though his loss was guaranteed.

I started when LeBron announced he was coming back to Cleveland.

I’m sick of the whining about college athletes not getting paid. Hayes complains the Big Ten made $450 million last year and *all* he gets is a college education valued at $160 thousand. My employer made in excess of $5 billion in 2015 and *all* I get is $100 thousand. Seems appropriate...

See, the whole “saving a bicyclists life” thing sounds like more of the bicyclists problem than my problem.

I read that a rather large group of students at Penn State went clown hunting earlier this week. Came up empty though.

For what it’s worth, Jim didn’t just do this because he’s a retard. Because Harbaugh is useless at recruiting without a jillion gimmicks, the high school they lifted it from is quarterbacked by a kid that Michigan is actively recruiting. You’ve probably heard of his father and brother...last name is McCaffrey.

So by that logic, the idiots who showed up riding dirt bikes and four wheelers were there for a dirt bIke race? And theye weren’t trying to provoke the police line by riding extremely close to them, no. That’s just where the invisible race track took them.

Careful, you’re not allowed to say things like that in the echo chamber here. You’re only allowed to be outraged at the police.

What was Chocolate the Lab like? Was Chocolate a good dog? I like to think so.

Dear Gawker writers,

“Journalism” is an awful strong word to be used to describe what Gawker media did. While there were some instances of actual reporting it of various bloggers, I would hardly call “500 Days of Kristen,” Foods pin, “Let’s Remember Some Guys”, or any bear article journalism. And the same goes for any number of the posts…

It’s so amusing that all the Wolverine fans think Peppers is a legit Heisman contender. The guy is above average at many things but exceptional at nothing. By end of the year, he won’t even be mentioned in Heisman discussions, and likely not in any other individual award discussions either.

As a former resident of Cincinnati who was ambivalent to the Bengals except for hating them as a result of their dipshit fans, is there any chance I could get the fan letters that didn’t make the cut? I love reading these assholes’ misery.

Feinberg bringing us the hard hitting news we need.

Hey Sploid, how about actually writing something instead of just a blurb followed by linking to someone else’s video? Pretty damn lazy.

Much better than some dumb horse activity.

I don’t at all follow MMA, but someone needs to just end McGregor completely. He’s not entertaining, he’s long past “playing the heel.” He’s being a petulant child. Grow the fuck up.

At least now in retirement, he can let himself go.