Drinking?! No, no. I'm twice weekly bathing in the effervescent caramelly concoction. Does wonders for the Limbic System.

I just don't give a Diem.

Well, to be fair her compositions and style are certainly more nuanced and sophisticated than just about any other pop starlet on the scene right now. If you pay attention to her subtext (college word!) she is actually rather sly and even subversive. Comparatively speaking, of course. Irony isn't her chief modus…

Flagged for, um, blatant flaggabilty.

Lana is soooo vain.

I believe today all the girl's are favoring the Hitachi. It's the Cadillac of mechanized personal feminine tools.

Ah right. That's something R. Kelly would have thought to do to Lana 8-10 years ago, before she went and growed up into a legally mature, emotionally sophisticated adult, before she would have been equipped to anticipate his nefarious, treacherous intentions and been able protect herself from the same horrific abuse…

Me? I'm a committed RC man. Oh sure, these days it's harder to find than a moderate conservative, but it's worth the effort to seek it out. Those fine folks at Royal Crown Cola really know their way around a vat of artificial coloring, chemical flavoring, genetically modified high fructose corn sweetener, and tap…

R. Kelly, famed entertainer, media darling, and self described sexual predator, is thinking "Damn, that certainly is one impressive jaw into which I'd love to piss."

Lana is certainly putting on a brave, botox injected, surgically altered, disturbingly mannequinesque face.

Are you threatening me?

In related news, pop song and dance act, Penis Panic, was rewarded with a modest and polite smattering of applause following their debut free 17 minute concert performance at the Granite Run Mall in suburban Philadelphia. One young clear eyed female witness described the incident as "Kinda cool, I guess." When pressed…

It's the quiet ones ya gotta keep your eye on. The clever, scheming, shifty quiet ones…

Not my boy Francis. He's taking names and kicking asses!

I guess the Russian Orthodox Church is very serious about their "Only Black or White or Sometimes Grey Ski Masks to Mass" rule.

Fortunately, no shots were fired during the incident or during the subsequent arrests, unless, of course, you count that one crotch shot of the girl in green tights side kicking her leg.

Bravo. Slow clap…

They are predominantly violators of Putin's strict "No Yakov Smirnoff" laws prohibiting the utterance of any phrase intended to comically highlight the often absurd disparity between affluent democratic Western society and the deeply corrupt, fiercely oppressive former Soviet states.

PUTIN!!!

No, you're thinking of Meat Injection.