Mrs periscopes has told me that, if I ever cheat on her, she will remove my testicles and present them to me in a jar. Anyone who has met her irl knows that is probably what would happen.

Uncertainty is understandable. I was with now-Mrs periscopes for nearly six years before we married: we'd even bought a house together before we married.

Prizing the edge of the lid away from the rim slightly with a spoon allows some air into the jar, thus removing the vacuum. This is the most effective way I've found.

We do actually say that here.
Wellington boots are a thing, and this is just a contraction of the name.

And T-rex was up against it anyway - how can he hold a brolly effectively with those titchy arms?

We've tried all sorts. She's now 12 years old, therefore she's completely set in her ways - except when it suits her.

The A.V. Club
creepy

My cat flat-out refuses to use a litter tray. She's always gone outside.
It makes it a real problem when I have to keep her in to take her to the vet, as she just won't go to the toilet. At least until she's in the car, and panicking…

"Psychoanalysis" by Prince Paul (CD, because I live in the '90s).

In other "news", DJ Format and Phill Most Chill recorded a song called Angry Birds for the 2013 Album, The Foremost. It's a good track on an under-appreciated album.

That's a long-running joke, with more than a grain of truth to it.

I like Woody Allen films except for that nervous fella who's always in them

I'm still awaiting the gritty reboot of Wizbit.

Sarcastically, I agree with you.

It's quite easy to differentiate:

No, one George Michael is exactly 1.036 Whams. It's a curious thing, known as the Ridgeley Effect.

Yeah, absolutely - but he also uses the word "myth" which has far more fictional connotations. That colours the way I read his comments.

"L'addie"

It took me many years to understand that the now-Mrs periscopes actually did love me and want to be with me. We have now been together over 20 years, married 15, and love each other more than ever.
Part of that is growing together within the relationship. We have each developed as an individual, as well as the pair of…

"Sorry if that comes across as unfairly smartassy"
Well, you are our resident smartass.