I never said you were a bad person; I’m sure you are a good person. And I don’t think taking your fiancé’s name negates the other ways you are fighting patriarchy norms in your life.

We talked about it, but we never really considered either of us changing names. Though if we have kids they will have my last name.

I got that part - I don’t understand your point that my parents naming their children different last names is also identity erasure.

Because women changing their names to their husband’s names will always reinforce patriarchy.

I totally disagree. It reinforces ideas that women’s identities are tied to their status as wives (and mothers) in a way that men’s identities are not and that men have control over heredity, history, and family in ways that women do not.

Are you saying women who don’t want to change their names shouldn’t get married?

If you don’t like it why not change it? Why does it have to have anything to do with marriage?

All the sparkliness is pretty great, but fairies have really regressive ideas about naming conventions.

We talked about this. And he totally would have taken my last name if having the same name was important to us. But he has a really great sounding first and last name combo (and he has a very uncommon last name, while I have a much more common one).

I posted this earlier but it bears repeating:

That’s the same with my brother. He’s a IV too!

Why girls getting the woman’s last name and the boys getting the man’s last name? That’s as weird as taking a man’s name when you get married, which erases a part of your past

40 years ago, my mom kept her last name when she married my dad. She gave her daughters her last name, her son my dad’s. It was never really a problem for anybody, even in the fairy conservative South. Not having the same last name as everyone in my family has never, ever, been a big deal. It does sometimes confuse…

Hillary Clinton was never “chairwoman” of Wall-mart. She did serve on their board of directors, when they were slowly killing small businesses all over America. But there is a big difference between being on board and being a studio chair. Also, she was on the board mainly b/c she was the wife of the governor of…

What is the norm? And in an industry that has a huge unregulated aspect, how would one even find out what the norm is?

I would love to star this a million times. This (and more of this) is what I wish Jez was exploring when talking about porn. As someone who only knows porn as a consumer, I don’t know much about what are the good and bad places.

I absolutely agree that we need to be listening to women within the industry.

I totally agree! And I think this goes back to my original point - I found it bizarre that a feminist blog would look at a (grantedly somewhat paternalistic) film about the exploitation of women in an industry and say “no problems here!” instead of using a more nuanced, critical lense.

Totally. There has to be a place between “rescue” and “don’t ever talk shit about the porn industry,” a place that accounts for women’s actual experiences, not other’s projections.

I agree with you that the movie had problematic, paternalistic overtones. Still, I don’t think women (or anyone for that matter) have to be weak to be exploited. I didn’t come away from watchings HOT GIRLS WANTED thinking the women in it were weak in any way. I did think they were often being exploited.